~Life's Breath~

Lessons on Love

2011-12-23T21:24:00.000-08:00

Its Christmas eve!!!

But feels a little bit like quite a sad one. Over the past week, two of the longest relationships I've known have come to an end. Couples who have been dating for six, seven years break up; and I cannot begin to even imagine how long, difficult and painful the road to recovery will be. How do you get over someone who has been such a big part of your life for that long? Whose future you have probably imagined being married to and spending the rest of your lives together. Just how do you move on from that?

I really cannot imagine.

The thing is, I have always thought that being in a relationship for so long was a good thing. We know the other person so well. We become so incredibly comfortable with each other that maybe, we forget to consider the other person's feelings? Or we start to forget to appreciate the other person, take them for granted, taking care of their needs becomes a chore?

I don't know. I'm just assuming. Aha. *Think too much*

See what happened when i found out about these two couples was that i called Jason. Immediately. I guess I realized that after being with him for so long, I myself had never considered breaking up an option or something that would actually happened to us. If anything, I sometimes think of us as an old married couple. :p But it hit me that we're not married. And the realization that if two of the longest-dating couples actually COULD and DID break up, it could happen to us.

I struggled with my own thoughts, wondering if in my demanding nature, whether i have undermined Jason's feelings. Or forgotten to respect him at times. Or if I have not been considerate enough for him. Did I take him for granted? Did I become so comfortable in the surety that we could get married blind me to the small or big things that could eventually make me miss the signs that something was wrong in our relationship?

I called him.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Do you love me?"

"Hmm......maybe la."
"........... D:"

"Yes la. I love you. Why so sudden one?"

And we talked. I told him about my worries. What brought about this sudden insecurity. We discussed what happened to these couples. And related it back to ourselves. The lessons we could learn from them. And Jason said something that was very true although painful. He said whether these couples have been dating for a long time isn't relevant. Its better that they found out now that they couldn't work out now than when AFTER marriage and things are so much more complicated.

After this incident, I can conclude one thing. When you first start a relationship, the ratio is usually 70% feeling and 30% choice to be together. Its nature's way of getting people to procreate. Rofl. It just feels natural that if two people feel so attracted to each other that they just be together. But as time passes, being together is more of a choice than a feeling.

Loving someone is a choice, a decision only you can make. Loving someone is not a feeling; feeling is the by-product of loving someone.

A day forgotten to be remembered

2011-10-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

We both forgot until 2 days later.

Hee.

But its okay.

Cos he showed up at my doorstep with a bunch of colorful helium balloons.

So silly he looked. :)

That grin on his face.

The wind tugging on the balloons in hand as he pulled it out from the car.

The neighbor who stared.

The complete awkwardness, surprise, delight and butterflies as i stood there.

In my nightie.

Haha. <3

I really never thought he would so something like this for me.

Surprises, being romantic and outrageously sweet are not traits i would attribute to him.

And yet. :)

In coming,

To love each other

Deeper

Wiser

Stronger.

Trolls

2011-10-14T03:20:00.000-07:00

You put down others just to place yourself on a pedestal and then call it entertainment.

The sad truth is you're pitting against others who are not at YOUR level in certain aspects just so that you can feel good about yourself.

Because deep down inside you realize that without this so called 'trolling', you would have to pick on someone your own size and you don't have the guts to do that- you might LOSE FACE.

And face is all you got, really.

So you pick candy from a child and brag about how 'strong' and 'mighty' you are.

Pathethicballs.

Black is Back with Arthur’s Day 2011

2011-09-08T07:54:00.000-07:00

Checked my email earlier and saw mail from Nuffnang!

Its about Arthur's Day and frankly, though i have never attended a single event like this before, i figured, why not try to score the tickets?

....nothing appeals to a kiasu more than the words "exclusive" and "free". ;) Or should i say cheapskate? nononononono.

So here's the dirt:

Taio Cruz is the main star for the night. Yea, the dude who likes to break break break break girls hearts. And other local artists such as Prema Yin, NakedBreed, Rosevelt, Dragon Red, Jin Hackman (feat. CSBTEA) and James Baum are dying for an opportunity to perform with him. Who will get it? The votes are up to us peeps.

So yea. Music yo! Who says no to that??

Oh and beer. Why not kan? (Ei, i am very responsible when i drink okehh. Read: can't drink.)

Why am i excited about being this? I'm not sure, but maybe once i actually get the tickets to go i'll to you if its worth getting hyped up about. Teehee.

Oh. OHHHH!!! If i get to go, i can wear my little black dress that i never had the opportunity to wear before! Oh SWEET. I now see the light. Yesh yesh yesh. :p of all the nonsensical reasons.

Hee. Anyhow, here are the details:

Date: 23 September 2011 (Friday)
Time: 6 pm onwards
Venue: Speed City KL, Selangor Turf Club

The theme is black chic (duh, "black is back?"). So imagine all the sexy beautiful gorgeous ppl who'll be there.

Must be a lot to look see look see. ;p

So yea. Fingers crossed now no?

Home?

2011-08-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

Hello!!!!!!

I am mad excited because tmr will be my SECOND LAST paper before semester break starts. Its been a pretty hectic sem this few months and i am so looking fwd to the hols.

Actually, i'm already acting like its the holidays. Been finding it so darn difficult to focus on studying, especially with this last two subjects. Motivation has basically packed up and moved to Hawaii or sthg. I dunno.

Anyway, i just felt a need to not let my blog fall to ruins so, just to add some pointless jottings i suppose? Promise to give some PROPER updates once the holidays come about.

Oh, and i am going for youth camp to malacca next week! woots!

So till then, ciao!

_____________________________________________

The key clicks and i step in, my feet meeting with the cool floor.

All is empty, quiet but alone is the last thing i feel.

I drop my bags and things where i always do- a temporary lump of mess on that chair which i will take with me when i leave later anyway.

In the kitchen, i grab a cold bottle of flavored malt drink- my favourite, left just for me, and plop myself of the sofa.

Luxuriating in the comfort, stillness and total sense of freedom, I grab a pillow and turn on the tv.

CSI is on. My favourite.

So is Keeping up with the Kardashians.

I love that show. All the drama and glamour.

I laugh as Kim does something completely bimbotic and hug a nearby pillow.

It smells like you.

I smile and realize how even more bimbotic i am, sitting here looking like an idiot.

I think about you and how much being here has to do with you.

How much it feels like home more than home.

Here i can truly relax and walk around without needing to pick up after someone else, to not get yelled at to wash day-old dishes in the sink, to not be needed just to clean up messes.

But its more than that. Its not about the shortcomings and imperfections of my life that makes this special.

Its being here and feeling so comfortable in my own skin, and being able to be me and being able to laugh so much simply because you are so silly and you make me so blessed and so incredibly happy.

Its the feeling of being so completely at home.

Home is what this feels like.

I turn off the tv and start studying the notes i brought over.

The gate rattles and i know you are back.

My heart does a little dance as you step out of the car and walk over.

I am all smiles as you come over and i anticipate your hello...

"Oi. You. Break into my house, steal my drink, watch my tv. Such a freeloader you."

:) Ah yes. I am home.

Short term dream coming true?

2011-08-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

Oh look hey! I finally found some motivation to update.

Wells, to continue from my previous post...i had NO birthday celebration for my 21st. Which is all in all, really disappointing. I actually made plans to have a couple of my friends (ok, i ONLY have a couple of friends. LOL) to meet at Fukuharu so we could have drinks. Who would've thought that i would get dengue on my birthday with lasted a week and a half. By the time i was feeling better, it seemed pointless so.....its now August. D: Sucks right.

TWENTY FIRST LEHH!!!! So disappointing. Aihs.

Anyway, moving on.

I have a lot of things on my mind right now. Thinking about the future a lot. Mainly about my 3 month degree program in UK. Loans. Money. Prospective jobs. Really. A LOT has happened.

To cut stories short: I am 85% certain that i will be going to UK!

Wootz! Previously, i have been telling myself that it would be okay if i didn't go because not everyone needs a degree......right? But as i went along this semester, i've kind of felt that it would be totally pointless to be doing my advanced diploma if i wasn't going to take the program.

Also, after my internship i do realize how precious the freedom of studying life is. Once i graduate and start work, i will have little time to do what i want, go where i want. So...this opportunity to visit UK while studying for my degree will be like a big eye-opener and sort of a big trip before i go out to work.

I think it would be great to try and live on my own for 3 months in a completely different environment to see how i cope. Also, i think its good to see how Jason and I will fare without each other for 3 months (HAH!). I think i can learn so much from this.

Although to be frank, what i am looking for most (and fingers crossed that i will be able to afford this) is to go for a short backpacking trip after i finish the program and before i fly back to Msia. I mean, since i'm already there, why not right? And i've always always wanted to see Europe.

~~Because of hot angmohs~~

Because it would broaden my horizons, open my eyes to ~~gorgeous, blonde haired, blue-eyed blokes~~ the different cultures and beautiful people.

Aha. Just KIDDING! Teehee.

So...money.

My dad says he will help me with half the amount. The other half i will have to apply for a kojadi loan. The details i'm still not sure yet so....i will keep praying.

Well, to keep my eyes from wandering so far ahead into the future, i have to first focus on:

The coming final exams which are in 2 weeks. I am so unprepared for. FISHSTICKS!
Thesis =____=""Dan lain-lain

Well. Thats life so far. Writing moment has passed.

More next time.....whenever that is. ;)

Pre-21st birthday anxiety. The lame kind. :p

2011-06-06T09:56:00.000-07:00

At time of writing, my 21st birthday is like.....ONE day away.

Yep.

How do i feel?

Sleepy actually. Hahaha. I will hit the sack soon, just thought i'd write a little before going to bed.

I've always kinda thought I'd have a pretty awesome 21st birthday party. With nice food, everyone a little dressed up, nice ambiance... not a massive group. Maybe like 30 people or so? People who are important to me, known me a long time.

Eh. But i don't think anything like that will be happening though, cos i didn't ask my parents to throw me a party. I think its awkward to ASK for a party. Its like, very shiok sendiri. :s

So....i'm kinda sitting here thinking: Now what?

Such a weirdo i am. Hee.

No, no. Don't get me wrong. I'm not expecting people to throw me a party or do stuff for me. I'm not emoing or getting disappointed over anyone or anything. I just kinda wanted to do something fun cos it seems like everyone gets to do sthg fun on their 21st. :p peer pressure kot.

Jason is taking the day off for me. :) Which, thinking back on how much i used to get mad, cry and complain about how he never spends time with me or take me out...is a very awesome gift to me. Its been aeons ago, but he kept his promise and i'm realizing only now. And i'm happy and excited for this wednesday.

I HONESTLY don't know what will happen this 8th June.

I don't know if there'll be a partayy.

I don't know what i'll be doing.

I don't know where I'll be going.

...it would suck to have a lousy 21st wouldn't it?

I feel stressed that my expectations won't be fulfilled and i end up emo-ing.

Padahal, i don't even know what my expectations are.

Such a complicated (or retarded?) individual I am.

Don't Care.

Imma enjoy myself. Have fun.

....and worse comes to worst, there's always 22nd birthday, 30th birthday, 40th birthday.....

Zzzzzz.

A night

2011-02-18T09:12:00.000-08:00

City lights before us, a spread of red, orange, yellow and white. Chatter below; the clinking of cutlery, scraping of chairs against the ground, raucous laughter of friends round the table.

But up here.

Is quiet.

Calm in the dimness. Peace in the crisp, cool night air.

A corny love song blares over the poor sound system. Old music. A man with a falsetto voice; singing something about love and sacrifice.

Your arms find your way around me as we appreciate the stillness and beauty before us. We share a joke, observe the people around us, look for places we know in the scenery. Warmth, comfort, familiarity. We sway a little to the music. That retarded song. You lips to my ear, whispering. No, singing. I don't know which.

We laugh. More jokes. More silliness. Whether this counts as dancing, I don't know. I am completely lost to you.

Captivated.

Most kickass dream. Ever.

2011-01-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

I dreamt that i was a soldier in some sort of a war. And i got to wear a really cute soldier outfit. XD Hahahahahaha...i know, so lame. I basically looked like this:

So me and my battalion were whizzing through the jungle in this super cool hummer shooting at some weird bad guys. XD Funny right. There were about 5 of us in the vehicle.

This was my ride. What up!!!

Oh oh, and guess what my weapon was? Don't laugh. The keyblade from Kingdom Hearts. One of the evolved types. Shaddup. It was super awesome. The other soldiers had like what? Guns? Pfft. I had a KEYBLADE okehh!!!?

In case you're wondering.

The big thingy those two are holding are keyblades.

Lol. Anyway, we were driving driving, shooting, being awesome when suddenly we were on a crumbling highway bridge. And we shot off the ridge. Thats when my burly, muscular bodyguard/partner grabbed me and we free fall-ed from the sky till he pulled open the parachute.

And i woke up.

ROCKING FUN!!!!!!

ZOMG

2010-12-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

My unknowing in-laws are unknowingly making me feel stressed.

Also, final exams are fast approaching.

And this blog is dying.

Ho.

YinYang post

2010-11-29T03:53:00.000-08:00

Quick update because this blog is just so abandoned.

I think if your really want to know about what i've been up to, facebook will be more efficient.

Anyhow, my modem was fried by lightning quite some time ago so i haven't been able to go online at home. Its a pain seriously. Assignments all had to do at cafes, McD and Kz's place. One night i stayed at McD till 1am. Sad. But Jason actually teman-ed me the whole time. Could see he was very very sien. But he stuck by me anyway cos it was late. :)

Oh, Kz is moving house today.

I went dating at IKEA last week, or was it 2 weeks ago? Forgot. Had really good food.

After IKEA i had LG dinner at Shabu One. It was a super fun day. :D

Wei Yee at I posing at the National Geographic thingy.

At LOT 10.

Such a pretty pic of me and Wai Kin.

My pose kayu as usual. Sien.

Oh, and melanie came back for the holidays!!!!! Happy until can die (not that i want to die....just an expression). I stayed over with her at Mama's place for a night, chatted and played clothes. Her life sounds so fun. :) So nice to meet up.

Then later that night we went to One Utama, had blasting good food at Vietnam Kitchen. Serious. I LOVE it there. Fried oysters, tomatoes stuffed with meat, curry fish....Aaaaahhh. So naise!!!

Then we went to watch Tangled. It was really funny. A LOT of adorable characters that u cannot help but love. This movie has one of the most kind villains ever; not to say she wasn't bad, she was but compared to a lot of other evil villains, the evil with mother was ok. A good movie. I don't regret watching at all.

Me and my pretty cousin!!! ^^

Me and my smelly Jason. XD

A lot of fun things have been going on, i don't deny that. But i am having serious difficulties with my college life. Rmb my last post about my stats analysis midterm? I basically handed in a blank paper cos i didn't know how to do anything. even now also i understand SQUAT. I am horribly worried that i will fail this subject and be forced to resit or even repeat.

Also, I have to start applying for my internship company starting tmr. I don't know what to do or what to choose. A lot of prestigious companies. I am terrified of rejection. Terrified of failing. Terrified of being stupid and not knowing what to do. I KNOW that my internship company will have a big impact on my future career, like if i get a good company and i do well, i could work there after i graduate and stuff. But what if i do so horribly nobody wants me, or im so traumatised by it i dont want to work anymore or i learn absolutely nothing cos i picked the wrong company??

FEAR

INDECISIVENESS

Sigh.

Also, my beloved phone has given up on me. I can't type 1, 3 and 6 anymore so i basically can't text or key in properly. Type in my PIN number also cannot. Sad.

Sien, this post started off so happily but ended so emo.

SIEN

SIEN.

Next week melanie will stay with me for the weekend. I intend to have FUN FUN FUN.

I don't care.

I need to do something about Statistical Analysis.... T____T

Kbai.

Traffic jams n stats midterm

2010-11-12T08:17:00.000-08:00

Such a busy and tiring day...

I'm wiped out and desperately need sleep but tmr is statistics midterm test and I am at a complete loss on the subject. Need to study. *moan* and tmr is a saturday too.

William is stealing my boyfriend. Guy-bonding time to buy guitar kononnya. And on a saturday when he isn't working too. Sighs. The sadness!!!

Mrr2 insanely retarded jam today. Took me more than an hour to get to college. Arrived super late. Spent the last five minutes of class handing in assignment then took another half an hour to get home. Gila babi. And very exhausting.

Oh sleeeeeep. :(((

*Starts statistics analysis basics.....*

Oldness...

2010-11-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

Hi.

I'm feeling a little depressed (well, not quite, but maybe the feeling is somewhat emo-ish). So i want to blog.

I've been chatting with a younger fellow lately (cos he's not the clingy, bug me, hello jie-jie, omg grow up, so annoying type of dude). He's alright, but the thing is, i feel old.

Age has never bugged me before. Like i said, i look blessedly young but.....i'm not. Not being a teenager anymore is only just starting to hit me.

I don't know how to explain it.

Sigh.

When i was a teen, the emo-ness was a big problem. The depression, and crying. The emotions that always seemed so overwhelming. The pain that was too much to handle, the happiness so great it made my skin tingle and my stomach have butterflies. Everything was overrated, dramatic, blown out of proportion.

It wasn't so bad now that i think of it. It made life so much more....alive.

Now, my life is pretty much dull and meaningless. I have no passion. And deep down inside, i'm afraid that i might have no identity either. Just who am I?

I'd really like to know.

I've been with Jason a long time. And i love him for all that he is, and all the time we've spent together. But i don't want our relationship to define who i am.

I want to be Joann.

But how do i be someone i don't seem to know?

I want to love things, have great friends, know my talents, chase after my dreams....but i kind of feel like i don't know how to do these things.

I love dogs and animals, I like anime, fantasy story books, i live to shop (or at least when i have money anyway), I like listening to gossips, i like watching movies or series, i like surfing the net. My dream is to get married, have kids, raise a terrifically loving, tight knit family who will honor and fear God (the specific details aren't so clear yet). I don't know what my talents are.

And that when i wonder.....have i no depth?

Everything seems so shallow.

If i asked you, who is Joann to you? I don't think you could give a good answer.

I don't know la.

Maybe i'm just emo cos of lack of sleep.

Oh look, maybe do i still have teen tendencies to rant and emo over small things.

Zzzzzz.......

Taiping!

2010-11-08T01:14:00.000-08:00

This week will be a mad hectic one because almost all assignment deadlines fall on this week. Got 2 midterms some more. GG right?

Assignments and college work aside, I've been meaning to blog about Taiping mission trip with the Keng Youth which was last last week. Twas pretty awesome. I joined only to be a busybody actually (and to do a write up in the voh la), plus, wei yee was going and its been ages since i lepak-ed with her so yeah. It was cool.

Going made me feel a lot older, cos lets face it la, all the youths are like below form 4? During this one icebreaker where we had to find people our own age, i found NOBODY. Just me, wei yee and daniel. Even the much bigger and older looking blokes from the other church were like.....FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN?? And i swear their face would freeze for a moment when i tell them i'm 20.

I suppose its better to look young but am actually older then to look old when i'm actually younger. Looking young is a blessing and I will absolutely cherish that.

We ate a lot during the trip. The best one was at a restaurant in Kampar where we had like an 8 course meal which i really enjoyed. One of the younger boys said i ate a lot. Paiseh. Lol. But really la, whats a girl if she doesn't know how to appreciate food kan?

Dinner prepared by FGA members, it was so gooood!!!
Indian rice with lamb curry, chicken and veggie. Sedap giler.

We also went to Gua Tempurung. I was really excited about that cos i've been there once on a camp in form 1, and it was blooming lot of fun then. But it turns out that we only went for the short tour, no crawling in the water tunnels or anything like that so it wasn't as fun. Nevertheless, the company was enjoyable and i got to eat ICE CREAM!!! So its all good :) What am i? a kid? Lols.

In the cave

Outside the cave.
Jason and i look mad cute. XD Ahaks, perasan.

The bus trips to and fro were really long. But there were a lot to see and hear, especially when travelling with such an insane bunch. (Caught two dudes almost about to kiss while playing truth or dare, Seow one. =.=''')

I got to bond with wei yee some, and i realised i've missed having her around.

Oooh, and the girls got to stay in hotels while the boys got a dirty old house. Hahaha...it was so comfortable at the hotel! Air-cond, hot water, clean sheets... ;)

The presentations by the youth were really impressive especially the parachute dance. Testimonies, drama and worship session was excellent too. Proud of them for preparaing so hard. No thanks to me though, really, i just went along for the ride. XD

And on the way back in the bus, Jason and i did quite a bit of singing. It was fun. :) Very deja vu. This is our current fav song, She Was Mine:

Sweet no? :D

Good taim!

Of MILs, cantonese and Joann. Lawl.

2010-11-03T01:34:00.000-07:00

Long time since i updated. A lot a lot a lot of cool things have happened, and i've had it in my mind to blog about it but now tat i've finally taken the initiative to, i've forgotten. Doh.

ok, well, this was freaky and yet mad funny at the same time.

See, last week, Jason sent me a msg asking for my help. Obviously i was flattered cos he's SO not the needy type. So with gusto and without knowing what he needed my help for, i said YES. And turns out that he needed me to pick up my MIL.
My reply straight away was "Are you freaking kidding me??" See, she has no idea who i am, let alone who i AM, know wat i mean? I have never really even met her for real and now i have to pick her up, spend time in the car alone together and create a good first impression for myself, by myself? Wahliaoeh!

......and in case you sesat-ed, MIL is mother in law. YA. FRIGHTENING OK. (yes la, referring to his mother, not actually my mother-in-law, we just say that to humor me.)

Worse still, i had to speak in cantonese. Fulamak. Can die. Just curl up and strangle myself. I was dead scared k! And i wasn't all that enthusiastic but i already said yes, and i knew he needed my help so i did it!

Jeng jeng jeng!!!

How did it go? Well, i was supposed to pick her frm the LRT station so i got there early, cleaned out my car a little and thought furiously on what i should say (esp in CANTO, omg). I was extremely NERVOUS. You have NO IDEA. I was terrified that i wouldn't recognized her, or i'd be tongue tied and sound stupid, or things would be silently awkward in the car....the possibilities of how terribly things could go wrong were endless!

So.....the train pulled in and the passengers milled out. My heart was threatening to bungee out of my mouth and i drove out in front of a nice lady (i wasn't sure but was hoping hard it WAS his mom and not some random lady, cos i cant rmb how she looks like!!) and thank god, she opened the door stepped in and things weren't too bad.

I kinda started talking in my head to pilot my own actions, screaming out warnings to my limbs more like. Then also to translate my replies into cantonese, construct sentences and mouth them properly. My hands were tingly and shaky from adrenaline. YES, THATS how scared i was!

Then through this 'self walk through' process i suddenly realised that seatbelt in cantonese was a really tricky word. And if i didn't say it properly, it could go REALLY WRONG. And definitely kill my precious 'first impression'.

See, seatbelt is 'onn qun dai'.
And if i mispronounce it just a teeny bit to 'onn qun doi'........
My sentence would change from:

'Aunty, please put on your seatbelt'

to

'Aunty, please put on a condom'.

CANTONESE is such a tricky language.

...and if you were hoping i said condom instead of seatbelt, i DIDN'T. I decided to not to take the risk at all and if she didn't want to put on the seatbelt, tat was fine by me. But she did la, and i was relieved in such a big wayyy!!!

Anyhow, i think i didn't do too bad. Granted, i didn't create a sparkling, shining, memorable image of myself. But i didn't ask her to put on a condom either, or say anything embarrassing so i'd say im just GLAD. We talked about traffic jams, where i lived, her work, small talk la basically. It was alright....she seems like a really nice lady. If she talked a lot more and a lot more loudly she would remind me of my grandma.

So yeah. That was what happened. You can say that it wasn't a big deal cos she didn't and still doesn't know i'm dating her son. But it was a huge deal for me, and i think i did alright there. So...yeah. :)

Hee. *pats myself on the back*

20102010

2010-10-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

Today is the day.

I am kind of amazed at myself.

I think I have matured.

I have become so much more patient from the twiddling, cry-cry, throw tantrums, selfish person i used to be.

I mean, I'm still selfish, I know that much but im much better.

And i see that in being still, i can still enjoy the small things. While avoiding the big arguments.

Ojien and not Victoria's Station? I amaze myself. You forgetting is unforgivable though. *sulk*

I still do cry.

But only for things that are really worth my tears.

I want to be a support in a situation that i know nothing of, only that it doesn't make u smile. It pains me, but i'm afraid that i can't help even if i knew. Or of anything happens i wouldn't be enough. I will wait, as always. When i'm needed, i will be glad.

I am reminded on this day, this date, that God has been faithful. As screwed up as my life is, as i am, He has been good. I know things would not be as they are if not for His enduring love. I am not always thankful, but i do realize how impossible this would have been if not for God. 5 years has been an insane journey even by my standards. How long ago and how ridiculous the circumstances were stick out and poke me in the eye even now as I think back, although I had insisted everything was okay. No wait, 5 years? Its been longer than that. Lord, if this is ur plan, as i am pretty sure it is, it started off crazy. But i thank you for it. For everyday and every incident, for every laugh, every tear, every occasion. It has been the best.

Sometimes, i feel suffocated. And i really do want to just live alone someplace new, and learn to be me. I think its not that we're hypocrites, acting nice and normal in front of people. Its just that we can't truly be ourselves around each other because we only draw out the worst in ourselves.

Everyone seems to be leaving. sigh.

I. Can truly be me. Because you. Let me. Accept me. Love me. See my faults. See my best. Appreciate my flaws. Complement my weaknesses. Encourage my attributes.

This post has turned into some sort of rant. But thats okay. The days have been one big melancholic mess anyhow.

Happy 20.10.2010 everyone.

Sah duhn lae

2010-10-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

Crazy as this may sound, i feel like learning japanese.

Ah. Random kan.

Kthxbai.

Bad times

2010-10-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

So much sadness around.

God. Please heal those hearts.

And reassure my soul.

Because i am not at peace. I have no true joy.

Expectations

2010-10-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

Anni is coming soon.

And it'll actually fall on 20.10.2010.

How cool is that. :))))

I am excited.

Grateful.

Amazed too.

Our anni is just a date, i suppose.

But its also a milestone of how far we've come.

How long we've walked together.

How much we've loved.

Tanoshii ne? :)

Can't wait for what comes after.

Stinky monday

2010-10-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

Sad. After such a lovely weekend, monday started out crappy. My nose was acting up again...i seriously don't know what is the problem. Its not a flu. Its like an allergy or a sinus or something. Lousy. And worse, i got busted by the security guard for having a fake car sticker. How sucky is that. I already went to check the status of my sticker from the office last week, they told me it might not be approved, to come and check again in a week. SIEN. At least the guard let me off otherwise i could be in a huge mess.

What a stinky day.

On a more positive note, i kinda like one of my tutors. She teaches statistical analysis and she gives a lot of examples so its easy to understand. Her lectures are boring but in a tutorial setting its easier to pay attention so thats good. But not so good is that Mr chuan is teaching this semester. He's whack la. I beh tahan. Ish.

Okay.

Not in a good mood.

Off to shower.

Meanwhile, enjoy this song. Its the best.

PS: Loves cocky looking lead singer!

Best weekend

2010-10-03T08:54:00.000-07:00

A brief jot to remember what an awesome weekened i've had.

Saturday:

Kindergarten concert and i helped out. Put on adorable costumes on the children. Put lip stick on a fat boy and made him cry. Saw my niece perform an indian dance. A dirty little boy peeked up my skirt. Dealt with a lot of loudness and craziness that can only be brought on by the chaos of having a hundred kids in one place.

Went bowling with the youth after the concert. Well, watched them bowl anyway, cos i was wearing a dress. It was really really fun. Saw some of the younger ones who had a lot of spirit. Older ones who were really competitive. Calvin was back and it was cool to see him. Saw a lot of longkangs. A few strikes for which much hype was create.

Dinner @ Suzy's Corner after bowling cos it was so near anyway (Flamingo hotel is where the concert AND bowling was held). Had nice grilled fish. Chatting time. Yummy food but was all sweaty and sticky from the day. Went home to shower.

Later at 10pm something Jason came to pick me up and we went to Peggy's house for calvin's birthday party since he's back from australia on holiday. The group is jason's friends really (like much much much older people LOL), but i made him bring me. He didn't mind and so i went to check out his friends (main goal was to see what they're like Xp). Heh. It was pretty fun. There were drinks: some vodka mixed with sprite and lemon (which was really nice), red wine and white riesling that calvin brought back. The riesling was okay. Had the best mango cake EVER in my whole life. So i stayed there drinking some and listening to conversations till 1am then went home. A fun fun fun day.

Sunday:

Went to church as usual, I put on a nice outfit: wore my hot pink boh skirt with a tank top and put flowers in my hair cos i was THAT happy. Yes, in a really good mood. I put on the pair of dangly earring calvin bought me from aus too. :)

After church, Jack suggested the bunch of us go to Taman Equine for dry bak kut teh which i've never had before. And so we did. The drive was long but enjoyable (okay, maybe not for the driver cos it was jam). When we got there, the food was mighty delicious!!! I loved it! The meat was tender, not tough like most bak kut teh places, a perfect blend of just enough fat and meat. The taste was really good too, black sauce with dried chili and salted thingies (i think is hamyu or dried sotong). I had 2 bowls of rice k. It was that yummy. The tea was good also although the cups were TINY. Watching the guys pour tea is like watching them play dolls. It was a really really good meal. LoveD IT.

After that, the boys wanted to go play tennis. Jason asked me to go watch. Would have loved to but i was tired so i went home for a nap and read Artemis Fowl later.

Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex disappointed me very much. I don't know...i feel like i expected him to be even more superb, even more brilliant after the Time Paradox and he has MAGIC. But nooooooo. Regardless of all the life changing events and etc etc, its just not fun anymore if Artemis discards his motto: Aurum Est Potestas (Gold is Power), has his mind set on his so called BIGGEST PROJECT which is to save the earth from the greenhouse effect or whatever, he doesn't use his magic, there is no mention of Minerva Paradizo (who seems perfect for him btw, NOT holly short), and worse of all, Artemis has gone mad as in, OCD, paranoia, delusions, split personalities....... well, okay, his later ego, Orion, was really hilarious.

It was a bit sad, the story. A bad fairy with no regard for life trying to return youth to his human wife. No super cool gadgets this time. Also, the killing of Vinyaya seems so unnecessary. Also, now with the Fowl family's 'concern and knowledge' of Artemis' life, it seems not so fun anymore. The twins seem pretty interesting tho.

The ending was too loosely tied for my liking. Maybe the next book will wrap things up la.

Okaay. Super long ramblings on Artemis Fowl. Lol.

Got class tomorrow so off to sleep for me. Nites!

*Loving how wonderful this week end was* Hearts! :))))

kodomo hime-sama

2010-09-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

I am mad frustrated with myself because i feel like a freaking hime-sama. Thats PRINCESS. Honestly. Sigh. See, i realise that i am far from being street smart. In fact, i think i'm quite street stupid because i do nothing but stay home all the time, i have never worked as anything except an english tutor which doesn't teach me much because i only deal with kids.

I really want to work. Mostly cos i need the money. And i feel like i'm doing nothing with my life.

Today, an opportunity surfaced for me. A friend offered a part time job at HP for 4 days, 10am-5pm, RM100 per day. I think it could be fun, plus i can still skip the first week of classes to work. The problem is, the workplace is at Damansara Heights and Cyberjaya. I have no idea how to get there.

And thats when i realize that i am such a big baby.

I realize that wherever it is an opportunity arises, as long as its not familiar ground, i'm going to be afraid to take it. If its a place I don't know, i'm not going to know how to get there because the only place i drive to is Ampang, a little bit of KL, and the areas from college back to home.

Then i wonder if i'd do it if i had a GPS.

And i realize that i'm not 100% sure that i would go for it.

Truth is, i'm frightened of this whole working thing and having to do things myself.

The unfamiliarity. The confusion. Blurness. Possibility of embarrassing myself, getting scolded, getting rejected, being judged, failing.

I'm such a child aren't I.

So yes, I'm very mad at myself.

And i want a real GPS. Not those unreliable ones on handphones.

That would make such a good gift. Seriously.

I'm mad that i have to turn down this thing.

Oh grow up Joann.

Asexuality

2010-09-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

If you're very very free and have got nothing better to do, you can check out this site about ASEXUALITY.<------click here

Aah, what is that you may ask?

Apparently, most people think that sexual orientations consists of heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual (disregarding other sickos like pedophiles, necrophiliacs and other freaks.)

Thats not accurate. It seems that before people are classified into these sexual orientations, you have to first determine whether they are SEXUAL or ASEXUAL.

Simply put, an asexual person is someone who has no sexual interest/drive/desire. AT ALL.

And apparently 1% of human population is asexual.

So far, i only know one asexual person- Sheldon Cooper. XD

Well, anyway, i read about asexuality on Reader's Digest before but i didn't get it cos i was younger then. Then recently Kz sent me this video about a dude who killed his wife cos she refused to have sex with him for 21 years. I dunno if she's asexual or what la k, but it just got me thinking about the subject so i looked it up again.

So basically this site tells about the account of a husband with an asexual wife. I think its interesting la. I really didn't know there were people who have this type of orientation. Just tot i shd share cos its unique.

what i've done- holidays

2010-09-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, so what have i been up to throughout holidays.

For the most part, i have lapsed into a terrible state of anti-socialness. Been home for the most part of anything and hardly talked to anybody. But here's what i've done so far:

Lunch- Steamboat Buffet at Shabu One @ Lot 10

I am very pleased to say that throughout the hols, i have made a few food conquests. For anybody who doesn't know, i LOVE food. Just that my stomach isn't very accommodating so I can't eat a lot.

Well, went to this place on a Tuesday afternoon. Jason was on sick leave and he took me out. XD its wrong, but sweet. (In his defense, he really was not well) So we went by to Lot 10, actually planning to eat at HuTong, a food court which is supposedly very famous. But while walking over we saw this place and the price was very reasonable so we went ahead. There's a student price of about RM19 only. Also i saw a promotion, 2 adults and 2 kids is only RM50. Cool right. Very dai lo. Plus tax, it was RM44 for the both of us.

The food was not bad, not to say like WAAAAAOOOOO, so YUUMMMYYYY kind of good.

I mean, its a steamboat so basically if its yucky, u cooked it urself, its ur fault. LOL.

The shellfish were nt a fav of mine even tho i love clams and they even had bamboo la la; it was quite sandy so not nice. I did love the beef slices tho. It was thinly sliced and just a few seconds in the hot pot made its sweet delicious cooked. <---- such a grammatically wrong sentence but im too lazy to construct it properly.

All in all, i'd say it was definitely worth the money. Its buffet la, so unlimited beef, crabs, squid, super fresh (and lots of variety of) veggies, fish, usual steamboat processed food (fishballs etc), dessert corner where i had freakin HONEY DEW SAGO. I love that!!! Not the shaved ice type. The real honey dew sago.

Its a nice place la. I would go there again!

Dinner at HU TONG foodcourt also @ Lot 10

After the steamboat on Tuesday, we decided to go back today for dinner. This time we went to Hu Tong like we originally planned. I though it would be cheaper, but honestly its not much cheaper. :S

Hu Tong is actually a food court, but all the stalls sell traditional street food like hokkien mee, wantan mee, porridge, bak kut teh, chicken rice....that sort of thing. Its non-halal so bring on the pork!!! Xp The stalls there aren't normal hawkers who just 'decided' to start their business there. They're hand picked by some famous fler to work there.....sorry la i forgot who. But u can read a good account of the place here. Its really very very interesting.

I like the design of the place. Like any typical high end food court, u good nice lighting, shiny deco, air conditioning, clean floors and that sort of stuff, but at the same time while sitting at our table, the place did not at all feel unlike a roadside stall (albeit a very clean roadside). U still got that noisy atmosphere, small lanes, crowded stalls. Its very cool. I feel that if all chinese roadside food outlets were to turn this way in the future, we would still not lose our culture at all.

The pricing isn't roadside rates though (MOST UNFORTUNATELY).

For dinner we had:

Mo Sang Kor bak kut teh.

We had fatty pork leg cos everything else was sold out.

Can u believe it, sold out at 7pm. Wao.

Apparently Mos Sang Kor is some super famous place in Klang.

I dun really like fatty stuff but this was really nice.

The soup was very flavourful and thick, could really taste the herbs.

A small bowl like this with rice and chinese tea costs RM15.

Yummy but mad mahal.

We also had duck rice (RM11) it was nice, very well marinated and also Fried eggs with oyster aka O-jian. O-jian is one of my favourite foods but this one was really disappointing. The flour wasn't mixed well, it wasn't salty in some parts, just bland. Don't waste ur RM10 on this is what i would advise. There are no pics cos i lazy to put. LOL.

Chi-Chi's Farewell BBQ Party

This was a bit of a disappointment for me cos i tot it would be much crazier but maybe we're all just old now. =____="" I did plan the thing so i suppose it was my fault. I didn't know the venue would be so spastic; bbq pit took 10,000 years to cook food cos it was broken, hardly any lights, the food was really really salty.... BLAHHHH. I PHAIL.

At one point, i was a bit horrified when the younger teens started singing Negaraku out loud (like freaking loud) as a JOKE. I guess being young, you just follow the crowd and boo this and that but you don't really think about how one's actions can be insensitive or even offensive to others. Especially when things are so tense between races and ur singing the Negaraku like that where EVERYONE can hear. It wasn't smart. I was really really horrified.

On the bright side, kai chi got ketchup dumped inside his pants we mummified him with toilet paper after marinating him with flour and eggs. ANd some young chikus started 'being dumped' into the pool (some of the girls look very willing lo. =.="" I swear one of them went: No no no no no no, i don't want....why u always push me in...no......!! *steps in herself* HONEST. I SAW!!!!)

Chi chi, i'm sorry the party wasn't blasting awesome. I had some issues going on that night so i came late and everything didn't go so well. I hope u know the lame-ness of the party is not a reflection of what we think of u ;p. Its the tot that counts know? i'll miss u loads, cos u laugh at any joke i make and i just have to laugh at anything u say...cos ur face is funny. Hee. I love u lots chi chi, take care when u go off. :)

Also, if u dont respond to this, i shall know that u actually don't read my blog and is therefore not my friend anymore so if the party sucked, WHO CARES. XD weeeheeeheeeheeeheee *u might find drugs in ur suitcase as u try to cross over into Russia but its not ME. Just saying.*

PPStreaming.

I have been watching Criminal Minds. I like it a lot a lot a lot. Its like CS

I but instead of studying the dna, chemical compounds and stuff like that, the investigators (FBI agents really) study the perceived behaviors of the criminals and make profiles of killers which help them catch the perpetrator. In other words, to catch a killer, u have to think like one....th

at kind of mind game stuff. Its nice. The criminals ALWAYS get caught. And that makes me happy. Mm. Although a lot of victims do have to die first generally....that part i don't like so

much.

DIM SUM at Kuchai Lama

Yessss....at the first week of hols, i went to Kuchai Lama with a bunch of the older y

ouths for dimsum. Frankly speaking, i am ruined for life when it comes to dimsum because the only dimsum i EVER ate ever since i was a kid has been at Xin Cuisine in Concord hotel. Serious. I never ate dimsum anywhere else bcos there was no need to, and every time i went to eat at Xin, the food was always bombastically good, and i never had to worry about th

e bill.

Its been ages since i got to have some dimsum cos i mum stopped working in Concord so no more free meals.... My family went to Tmn Connaught for dimsum once, but it wasn't very good. I

thought i'd wouldnt get to eat nice dimsum again. D:

...that is until this place in Kuchai Lama. Hee.

The food was reasonably good. Crazy time trying to get a table and the waiter's

attention but i really enjoyed myself.

This post took forever to write. Im tired now. STill have a miserable flu. Urgh. It makes me really tired. Hm. Bai.

Sien

2010-09-06T23:34:00.000-07:00

Holidays are boooooring.

Anyway, my first semester of advanced dip is over. I know i absolutely did my best for final exams so i am very proud of myself (pass or fail i dunno la k). Internship is coming up next year and yeah, i'm really worried about that. I should start thinking about that seriously.

Then.....hoo, i have no plans for the next 3 weeks, except i'm probably going to meet up with sarah for makan next week. Its been awhile so it should be fun. We're going for good food yo!

And......thats about it.

*Back to PPStream-ing.....*

Buh buh buh BUNNEHH!!!

2010-09-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

I got a surprise gift from the boyfriiiieeeend. =D

He went to Malacca yesterday, but i really wasn't expecting anything.

He got me a pink bunny that vibrates!......sounds kinky, i know. :p

But its cuuuute, and instead of just batteries, i can plug it in using a USB!

Bunneh-kins!

Its so cute kan?

And if you switch it on, put it on ur back and lie on it, feels so comfy! ^^

Yayyyy.....who doesn't love presents? :)

One last paper coming up and then its holidays for meeeeee......

Bunches and smunches

2010-08-29T06:05:00.000-07:00

Updates.

After more than a week of isolation, i am down to my final 2 papers and then its HOLIDAYS for me, yeah baby! So far so good, although i absolutely hate my lifestyle now. Its wake up, computer, study, eat, sleep. If i go for group study, then i get to talk with the bunch, other than that, facebook is my only social interaction. My boyfriend has been reduced to a bunch of texts on my handphone. Lol.

So today we went to Pavillion for lunch after church at Carl's Junior. WhY? cos its bombing delicious la thats why. Not too pricey also lo actually. Can eat until really quite full. I remembered to take pics of our food!

Two famous star burgers (which beef patties taste so great, especially with jalapeno- green chili cos you can get to taste that char grilledness), fries, CHILI CHEESE FRIES and iced lemon tea mixed with sprite (love this drink! Jason always makes this for me when we go. You have to get the taste just right; enough sprite to make the drink gassy but not so much that it overpowers the tea and also squeeze in the right amount of lemons for the zesty refreshing taste) ^^

Absolute heaven.

Jason says I'm a fast food junkie.

....look who's talking...

AND....something you should definitely try out at CJ is

THE CHILI CHEESE FRIES.

This is fat food :) but who cares!?

Fries topped with minced meat sauce and melted cheese.

Awsm no?

We don't always go for high-end places like Pavilion on dates on la. I try to go for normal places. Usually we just have dinner somewhere in Ampang and lepak with Taffy later cos we are very money saving folk. LOL. At least i try anyway.

This pic is one of the short dinners we had recently. He took me to this shop somewhere like a back road in old ampang town, where the houses were all really old and stuff. Pork porridge with yao za guai, fried chicken (very yummy) and mushy carrot cake. We also had shaved ice and jelly for dessert. The food taste ok ok la. Love the dessert and fried chicken.

My point is, simple foods can still make a nice date.

That aside, exam periods are great bonding times. I lepakked with kz and alvin more than I usually do, or actually we had an overnight group study. Yeap. It was pretty fun but i wont do it again. =_____=""

"Eh, your phone can take panorama picture ah?"

"No laaa......you sit beside kz then sambung the photo at tepi there...."

"I know I know!! We make 6 ppl in the photo!"

"Joann so rude."

"Come laaaaa.....we go out buy drinks. Wa, feel like eating cheese naan la."

"Joann, want to see my photos?"

"Ohhh, so I'm kz's friend not yours la now?"

"BABI go study la."

"Why you sleep so much? Need to sleep one meh?"

"Help me click treasure isle la....."

"Want to play Spore ah? After exam i don't lend you ad luu..."

"Waaaa!!! Come let me chat with Eric! WHy cannot?? Let la let la...x1000000"

"I need to play DOTA. 3 days never play ad"

"SELFISH."

"Late at night get rare item, early morning get rare item again...!"

"WHy you sleep like cat?"

"Yerrr....never shower and brush teeth..."

ROFL. It was fun la, but not a conducive study environment, except towards the end when we started exchanging what we learnt n going through the tips and all. Not bad la. At least i didn't have to make so many trips to and fro home to college and wake up so early on a sunday.

.....and i actually left them behind after the exam. XD okay, i do feel bad for them, but in my defense, i was in a hurry and i thought they weren't going to come out of the exam hall early. Hee. But i went back for them when they called la k. Sorry lo...

Next time we should just stick to study groups in the library la.

Wheeeeee.....

Remorse

2010-08-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

This post will be a little lengthy but i still need to write this anyway.

Kz just sent me a msg that basically slapped me in the face. But it was a much needed slap anyway, so here i am licking my wounds and realizing that i have made a big mess on my first semester.

I missed a lot of classes this week, because i didn't know (or didn't care, rather) that i had class.

Its a sad story but its the truth and i must be honest.

I realised that i have been whining all semester about how tough things are, not having a car sticker, how lousy lecturers are, bitching about renee, grumbling and complaining about a million things when the real fact is....... I have done NOTHING.

I have not taken a single initiative to do nuts about anything.
I haven't given a crap about my studies, my attendance, my assignments, my event.

I found a million excuses to not do anything about college.
I didn't make friends (althought this isn't really something NEW)
I talked as if i knew so much but in fact, i don't.
I got all arrogant about people, so quick to point out their flaws when I had a big problem myself.

That problem is laziness.

I took my friends for granted, which is probably why i'm so alienated from everyone (another excuse to skip class).

Therefore, i know that i have most absolutely messed up my entire first semester of Advanced Dip. I don't know if i will have to pay for the consequences in my coming finals, which are next week. I haven't even checked the bar list to see if i got barred. I know i'm in serious trouble. But i also know if there are consequences, i have to take responsiblity for my actions...or inaction. Passiveness is a terrible sin.

SO. That's basically all the remorse and unhappiness i have to let out. I don't know what to do next or how to pick up my feet. Laziness isn't something you can just banish. But i have to try. If i make it to sem 2 without having to repeat or resit, i promise i will try HARDER.

Why Men are Never Depressed

2010-08-09T23:38:00.000-07:00

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

_____________________________________________

I got this in the mail and I think its so true. Hahahaa...but then again, God made men so simple so that they can bear all the complicated-ness of women. ;)

Hope you guys enjoyed this.

Toots.

Noooooooooos

2010-08-07T01:11:00.000-07:00

I will not be whiney.

Tiredness

2010-08-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

Will be changing my blog template soon.

But for now, am too busy, too much things going on.

Event starts on Tuesday. I don't feel excited at all. Maybe I feel like i have no ownership towards the whole thing, i feel more like a spectator. The whole funny-ness with the department i'm in, or the whole deal with my 'dept head' for whom i have almost no respect for is a total killjoy. Ah well. I know, i've been negative. What to do.

Tired, insanely tiredddddd.

Nite.

:D

2010-07-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

I have a laptop!!!

Thankyoo love. :D

poopsie

2010-07-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

Lets make this real brief.

I hate assignments. Actually as a general rule, i hate work. Its that simple. But i hate deadlines cos it reinforces the work that i HAVE to do. Tmr gotta hand in Ms Chan's assignment which was the most gila babi one so far. Imma wake up at 6.30am to do it cos i want to sleep NOW.

I want money to go shopping. Sigh.

This saturday will be meeting up with PESS friends that i havent seen since form 5 cos i kept ffk-ing them. LOL. Ok la, now that Mel's gone, there'll be no girls-day-out anymore so lets start with this saturday. Going to Times Square probably to watch movie.

Once again, i want money to go shopping... T_______T

Watched Inception and had salmon donburi on Tuesday at Wangsa Walk. The salmon was so so so oishi. ^_^ I did not pay Jason back for both the movie and dinner. Oh the guilts.

I pay for my own dates because women always talk about being treated equally as men. Therefore, to ration, we should also pay when we go out. Anyhow, its not fair to always expect the dude to pay right. Sometimes then its okay. Maybe for like.....salmon donburi. :p

Funny quote that i liked:

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

My sister is the most selfish human being i know. Rarrs. Beh tahans.

I hate mosquitoes that prey on me while i do my assignments. SO ANNOYING. Hah! Killed one. Die sucker!

Joy is fat. And not as manja as she used to be. I only noticed cos im around taffy. Taffy is adorable. She pees when she sees me cos too happy. ^^v

I miss melanie. And Jessie. And steph. But i dunno what i should say if i chat with them. The meh-ness.

I want to sleep now.

Hahas. You read this entire, completely pointless update.

I WANT LAPTOP!!!! GIMME SOON!!!!!!! ROARS.

All the farewells

2010-07-04T23:03:00.000-07:00

Updates!

Everyone (ok, maybe not EVERYONE) is leaving for Australia and that stinks. Jessie, Steph and my couz, Melanie is going tomorrow or the day after tmr. The sadness.

For whats worth, i managed to spend some time with them before they left. Had a sleepover at Mel's just last night. And the other day i had a farewell dinner with me college mates. Here are them pics:

Girls all dressed up. :)

Jason came along. :D
(Yes, can buy toto already)

The bunch of us that came (excluding Alvin taking this pic)

Lookit the food on the table!

Love this pic.
Han Yew's smile always looks real happy.

Reminiscing the times when people used to say...
KONIKA!!!

Favourite pic! :)))

The ladies

The dudes

It was a pretty fun nite. Dinner was at Pasta Zanmai in Sri Hartamas. Not too pricey but the food wasn't that yummy either. I want to try Sushi Zanmai next time. Dying to have some sashimi. Yums. When i have some $$$ first la next time.

Didn't really get to take some nice pics with mel though. Here's one anyhow:

Doing a nose-picking pose.
(Does anyone find it disturbing that i can look so starkly different
with make-up and without make up? :s)

Ooh, and also, i have a puppy at my place now! Its a long story how i came to have her. Makes me feel pretty annoyed when i think about it too, but ANYHOW, i originally didn't intend to keep her cos i already have 2 dogs and its not easy to manage em. But i really fell in love with this pup. And now i really mm seh tak give her away.

I even named her.

Which is bad especially since i cant keep her.

This is Taffy.
The sweetest, shyest puppykins ever.

Yeah. She's real timid but i'm working on that. She's gotten like 60% happier since the day i took her in. She dares to put her front paws on my chest to lick me even and she's all manja and heart-melting me.

Still, bearing in mind that i can't have to 3 dogs in the house, i'm hoping to get someone who will really love her. Fingers crossed that Jason will take her cos i know he'd sayang her to bits. He's a much more practical dog-lover than i am. He's already completely in love with Taffy, just waiting for him to to say okay that he'll keep her. I am hoping and praying HARD that he will!

On another note, while my social life is looking good, my college life is DYING. I have so much trouble paying attention in class, number 1, because i have horrible flu nearly everyday. I think i have chronic sinusitis or something, cos my eyes get all watery, red, small and i feel crazy drowsy.

Number 2, the flaming college sticker which i don't think i wll be getting until the next semester (if i'm lucky). Looking for a parking is taking up so much time and petrol. By the time i find a parking, walk to class, i'm already in such a bad mood and so out of breath and so late that class is not the first thing on my mind anymore. To make things worse, i got a freaking summons for parking in motorcycle spot. !@#$%^

I think the police r retards. They deliberately come to TARC area to do their rounds just to achieve their quota when they should be doing more important jobs like say, REDUCING CRIME RATE? Idiots la. Lazy buggers. Parking around college is a nightmare, i swear. It is SO difficult to get a spot. And if you park in the residential area, the residents will puncture your tyres if the police don't summon you first. Serious, alvin said a whole row of cars got their tyres punctures. 2 tyres on every car some more. Madness.

Why am i typing such a blimey long post? Cos im in CC with Kz and Alvin. Yeah, im in CC for the first time ever. Boring la.

K la. Byes.

Dysfunction

2010-06-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

I am in the pits. Like again.

At camp, Ps Jit asked us to write down all the stuff thats been burdening us. And later we had to put it all at the foot of the cross. I did write down some things but i think a lot of things i just cannot put down. Mainly my family. I know it for a fact, i don't have that kind of relationship with my family. We could very well be just a bunch of people who live in the same house. I can think of the years from my late childhood to teens where i'd cry in my room every night because of the insane deprivation. There was no communication, no hugs, no encouragement. Just a lot of yelling and silence. Sometimes i get slapped, especially if my dad wasn't around. Even if everyone was around, nobody would stand up for me. I think that really sucked.
I don't really know what was going on with those years la, maybe adult stuff, money problems, work stress, whatever. I used to think that if it would make my parents happier, they should get a divorce and i would totally understand. Then it didn't help much when my sister came along. I was looking forward to it. I mean, having a sister should be cool. I had a classmate whose older sister was like bombing cool. Her name was Kristie and I always though if i had siblings i'd be just like her.
Then the night at the hospital, my sister was born and we were all looking at her in the plastic crib. I'll always remember that night, I think. Everyone was just staring in awe at the little infant and i said, "She's sleeping so still. Like she's dead." It wasn't the nicest thing to say i figure, but it was just a simile. It wasn't like i meant she's dead. For god's sake, I was 9 or 10 years old. My parents rebuked me like hell, told me to take it back and stand aside. Its a terrible foundation to build sistership on. Especially when i'm such a vindictive person.
Its not that i don't love my family. They're my family la. But its hard to love 'love' people you don't know, who have been so passive in my adolescent years and a big source of heartache to me. My family isn't broken. Maybe just dysfunctional, like a whole lot of other asian families. Its made worse by the fact that my character is so stubborn, bitter, angry and unforgiving.
I'M DYSFUNCTIONAL. I have a 80 foot wall around my heart and the last people who are ever going to gain access to it are my family. Its wrong. But i just cannot do it.
I think things in my home now are so much better compared to the years before. My younger siblings won't be as weird as me. (Except my sister. Trust me, i know. She's going to be a hard kid.) I'm glad its not so bad as it used to be. But i don't want to start doing weird, awkward things. I'll clean the house, just like i've been yelled to do last time. But then at every chance i can, i'm going to hide away because that how i've been conditioned to. Hurts less that way. I'm 20 already la. Its hard to make things change now. Yeah.

Messed up sial.

Hey Soul Sister by Cathy & Victor

2010-06-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

My favourite version yet :)

2010-05-23T09:52:00.000-07:00

.....On a happier note from where i left off (obviously because its so emo), i got a new pair of lala sneakers from the laddie. I think they're ridiculously cute, and at such an affordable price too. Definitely a steal. Can't wait to wear them to college tmr (not that it makes the fact that I hv no car sticker any better...):

See....lala sneaker boots or whatevr u call em.

Can wear like this also. Nice kan?
Love the purple mickey mouses.
(mickey mice doesnt sound right)

Yeah well. We're getting our birthday gifts early this year. (Because i hv no patience lol)

I have fabulous tastes. Feel so bangga because my gift *Barney Stinson style* AWESOME.
Meh. Im a showoff. Kbais.

Screw it la

2010-05-23T08:14:00.001-07:00

I am frustrated and distressed to the verge where i would think most teens would be saying FML. Not that I would. Its crude. But really. Shit la...

See, i didn't know that i was supposed to apply for a car sticker (for college) last semester. So now I can still apply, but there's a waiting list of 400 applicants. Sure keep skin already right.

Parking outside college is a hassle. Yes. There's seldom ever enough parking and to make things worse, its dangerous. Most ppl will generally park at TBR which is my most hated place in that area. I hate, loathe and fear that place down to my guts. It is dangerous. I got robbed that last year, making it the most degrading, humiliating and painful experience in my life. I have never gone back there except to the shops and even then, i usually stay in the car. I REFUSE to park there.

So...without the sticker, i'll probably park at kz's place then ride his motorbike to college. That way we can park right outside where its safe. Mafan la though....have to transition like that.

Thats why i really don't feel like going to college.

Shucks la.
Whatever la.

Happy moments!

2010-05-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

A quick run thorough of the recent happenings because i am too lazy to go into the details and yet the events have been too significant to not blog about.

I begin my Advance Diploma in Public Relations tomorrow. I'm not really that enthusiastic about going back to school and al...l but i'm just glad i don't have to get a real job yet so okay okay la. It will be pretty hectic i think because we will be conducting a REAL event! Yes, no more mock events or proposals. Its the real deal. So real deadlines and real stress. Ho. I hope it goes well la.

I just got back from Perhentian!!! This in itself warrants its very own blog post but i don't feel like writing right now. Let me assure you that it was a really really fun trip for me. I have a white triangle on my butt now because of the snorkelling. I saw sharks and turtles. On the last night i got punished into drinking 9 glasses of water. It was nonstop pee pee pee pee after that. I saw some ppl get drunk. I spent 10 hours in a car. I ate malay food throughout the whole trip. I made new friends. Ah, lots la. It was so much fun.

I am not giving tuition anymore so no extra allowances d. Cause my student's neighbours recommended this 'highly qualified teacher who just got back from the UK' and so they're going for her instead. Psh. :P yeah, i'm being all sourgrape-ish. But ah, i do realise my teaching methods are amateurish and disorganized. I shd probably get some qualifications after i finish my PR degree. (maybe)

The latest event was Michael Lean's 21st birthday party. I was invited for reason's other than that i was friends with michael (cos i'm more like an acquaintance only :s) and that made me feel a little happy. There was roast lamb. Lots and lots of roast lamb and that was so bombing awesome. Juicy roast lamb that's tender, succulent and bursting with flavour the moment you sink your teeth in, the pleasure you get as the taste coats your tongue, the surprisingly sweet and fresh burst of flavor when you taste the mint sauce. Gaaaaah. I ate so much lamb. It was lovely. And also there was this super adorable kitten there which totally seduced me with its big eyes and funny mewing. I fed it lots of lamb and even forgave it eventhough it bit me (by accident ok!). It wud cho chuuute!! ^^ And one of the best things (if not the very best) was the wine that boon yan brought back from australia. It tasted like liquid sunshine. I LOVED it. And i'm not really a wine person. I will get my kucheh to see if she can bring back some for me! Yum!

I took some really nice pics of my darling dog. I'm surprised the shots turned out nicely considering how noobish i am with the DSLR. I like them. =D

Another big event was the great ukelele hunt which ended up as a huge huge HUGE disappointment for me. It was meant to be a present for a certain rotting ape who doesn't tell me anything for instance- that he already HAD a ukelele since last year. *growl* I swear, my heart somehow found its way into my stomach when i saw the darn thing. Luckily, cousin kimmy wanted the uke i bought so i didn't have to waste any money. Broke my heart lo i tell you. And there i was thinking that i was a wonderful, surprising, delightful girl. Psh. I have no idea what to do now. Lousy i tell you. LOUSY.

Well, speaking of presents, i got a couple from bangkok. Wheeee! You don't have! You don't have! Neh neh nee boo boo! =p See! (so happy i can burst)

Little piggy biscuits or desert thingies that are so cute so cute!
I haven't tasted them yet cos i can't bear to eat them.

Awww..... :)
A whole box full of mini yous. Xp

An eye pillow. Its a beanie bag that you put on your eyes.
Has aroma therapy oils in it. Lavender scent. Nice. :)

And lastly.....Bailey's Chocolate Mint.
Do you still need me to tell you how completely elated i am?

Melanie also had a short sleepover the other day which was bucketloads of fun. We stoned SO MUCH and yet i enjoyed it. How weird is that kan. We did a recording but i'm merajukking abt it because i can't hear myself. =x And we were supposed to go do a syiok sendiri photoshoot but we overslept. Hee. Next time we shall!!!

Yeap. Thats all the updates for nao... Ni

Nananananas......holeeedaes.

2010-04-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

Holidays are being a BORE. I have been saving money so I haven't gone out much (more like at all. lol.)

Last night, i drank Teh Tarik which was nice and warming... The side effect to that though, was that i couldn't sleep. Lay in bed with my eyes wide open in the dark, everything was quiet and i suddenly had this terrifying moment where I felt like I was the last existence on earth. Yeah, serious. The silence was too overwhelming. So, i picked up my phone and besically wished a whole bunch of people good night. =D

And it worked! The whole scary, alone-lone-lonely feeling whisked its fat butt away as my phone chimed with every reply. Lotsa people thought i'd gone nuts (quite true la) but i had fun chatting with some of them till I eventually fell asleep. It was a nice feeling. I think i cheered some people up too perhaps. I should do random things lidat more often. Hee.

Good nights for a whole lotta people.
But my good morning was late. *glare*

Last week, i was thinking:
It can be scary sometimes, how a relationship dips and dives and then comes back up again. I mean, its terrifying that in one moment, we could be feeling so comfortable around each other and the next instant, we can't stand to be around the other and the tension is so massive i feel like i'm being sucked into a whole new dimension (very 'anime-style' figurative speech) :p

I think, finding someone whom you love and actually loves you back is amazing.

Finding someone whom you love and loves you back while, suiting your personality, accepting your beliefs, values and ideals is even more incredible.

But in any relationship, i think it hardly ever happens that both parties contribute equal effort towards each other. One will be waiting for the other, sometimes the other has to be more patient. Sometimes a little more giving. Stuff like this does give way to some amount of bitterness and unhappiness...but i still think that when you find your efforts and commitment reciprocated, the moment can be magical. :)

Anyways, I have SOME plans. Friday i will be having Thai Seafood for dinner! Woots! Jimmy Nongs I think. I hope we get barbecued crabs. Yeah. Definitely gotta have that. Its LD dinner but im just tagging along. Ahaks.

Saturday morning, joining the rest of my family to KLIA to pick up nicolas lim and then have dimsum at Tmn Connaught. Its freaking early lo. 6am have to wake up or sthg. Yes I was forced. =.=" The whole dimsum thing is their way of bribing me i think.
Then got to help out because josiah is having a bday party. Wuliao betul. lol. That'll go on till night la probably.

Sunday is finally my outing day. It must be fun fun fun! I DON'T CARE.

Yeah, I got work today. Ish. Byes.

Exams are over...

2010-04-22T02:21:00.000-07:00

I suppose updating my blog is due....oh which also reminds me I ought to get started on my VOH article. Right. No enthusiasm for that at all. Hum.

My final exams are over. And i do mean final FINAL exams. The last exams of my diploma.

Umm, I was thinking it would be really awesome but to tell you the truth, it is painfully anti-climatic. I came home, finished the entire season of Avatar. And now i'm here. Wondering what was it I was so excited about.

I guess I thought I'd get a lot of things lined up. Shopping, yamchas, dates and the like.
But its not really like that.
I'm spending a lot on my class trip already so I am tight on money.
Without money, there's not much to do but stay home.

I wanted to buy a bikini (because its convenient. Can wear it as undergarments and it dries quick) but so far the ones that I like cost nearly 200 bucks. So I guess I won't...

Its kind of lonely.

Unfamiliarity induces insecurity. Breeding silence and awkwardness. Creating impressions of coldness and arrogance. When really its not like that. I'm just not good with people I don't know so well.

Sigh.

I wonder if I'll be okay on the class trip.

I wonder if this holiday will turn out okay.

I got really pissed at the TAR college security guards today. They seriously ruined my mood before i went for the exam. Stupid idiots. More like dumbass administration I suppose. Really stupid. But i'll tell you that on another day.

So yeah, not a really happy day for me.

Lawls

2010-04-12T09:21:00.000-07:00

This dude is so funny. He's actually my stella maris friend but i never actually talked to him till through Melanie cos they were college mates (small world). We ocasionally have quick chats now and then. They're all nonsense. And all hilariously fun.

Anyways, today was the first (and also second last) paper for my Finals (I only have 2 subjects). It was BAD. Its like, I've read those things before but there isn't enough things I can elaborate bout to make it match up to the allocated mark. And some things i seriously not sure how to apply also. Sigh. I really really hope i pass weih... Stress.

On a happier notes, today was sushi king membercard day so my dad took me for sushi. Ate lotsa salmon sushi. *lafu lafu* ^^ Nice. But the chef there crazy hak sum. Put freaking lot of wasabi in the sushi. But some dont have wasabi so i had to look out for those instead. Overall, it was nais. Salmon is yummy!

Also, i am looking forward to class trip at perhentian!!! Whooohooo! I wanna buy that swimsuit ahhh.....Its still stuck in my head. Aih. They were so pretty.......and i probably need to get daily contacts. No point in snorkelling when i can't see nuts. =.=" Aih. But money le. *Roars and thumps chest*

Kla. I'm sleepy. nite.

STADEEEE!!!

2010-04-11T08:40:00.001-07:00

Quick post. Just so my blog doesn't die.

Highlight of the day is Pavilion with bestie. Killed my feet in my heels but i had fun even though we were broke beyond broke. Walked around looking for swimwear because i will be going to Perhentian with my classmates on May 10-12. Wooohooo! Final class trip before we graduate yo! I finally found a couple of swimsuits that i really really loved. But it'll cost bout 200bucks. Siigh.

Did i mention i'm broke?

Yeah, cos see, the trip itself costs RM430. So yeah....

Maybe i'll borrow something from melanie or wat la. Seehow. But it was so cantikkk.....T___T
I want it ahh.....*cries*

Ah yes, sorry, pavilion. Its actually my first time there walking around properly. Past few times also just go for movie with friends and leave. We were really low on cash la so we ate porridge with youtiao. Share one bowl summore. XD cham douu.... But i still enjoyed myself la.

Well, church was exciting for me today because we launched the Youth camp publicity event. Micro-small scale la, but cos im in charge of this, i am super happy that there was SOMETHING GOOD that i came up with. I wonder if the impact was big enough tho. It was something different la. So i'm glad *pats self on the back* XD Totally S.S-ing.

Ok, supposed to be studying now but procrastinating to the max. Seriously, i make myself angry at the lack of self discipline i have. I haven't started okayy. YES, for REAL. And this is my final exams we're talking about. JOANN LIMMMMM......Why you do these things to yourself i don't understand. You idiot. I will shower, then study till 1.30 or 2. Then i shall sleep. Cos i have to send my siblings to school tmr morning. Freaking early. SHUCKS. I will come home and probably study till i have to go for the exam.

Hopefully enough energy.

I guess there really are a lot of things to consider when you want to have a future with someone. Especially when you're talking about big stuff like marriage. Each person has their own ideas/ dreams of what they want their future to be like. So maybe i have a higher expectation, i don't know. To me its normal. Things like money, time, priorities..... people have different thoughts about it. Now i see why couples can argue over their finaces and stuff. Its tough, but not really worth arguing over if you can't provide a good solution. I find myself thinking that i CAN put aside a lot of things i imagined to be just so i can be with you. And thats kind of strange. But i know it matters. Its a collective effort. I will do my best.

How old am I to be thinking about this kind of stuff again??

I get ahead of myself. Sot.

STARDEEE AH JOANN!!

Racism and Sexism

2010-04-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

Racism, as is well complained and whined over in my blog, is very much alive in Malaysia. As too is sexism apparently.

Issue: An accident occurs at a petrol station whereby a crazy fast car smashes at high speed into a man pumping fuel. The victim's wife rushes out of the car to check on her husband, but he did not survive. The man child, only a toddler, waddles out of the car in a state of confusion (apparently the crazy car collided with that man's car. It is a case of drunk driving (according to what i read). The drunk driver is a chinese woman, specifies the article.
http://yobsumo.blogspot.com/2010/03/kemalangan-di-stesen-petrol-bhp-taman.html

And the comments bombard. Whoo.

Lots of condolences to the family. Which is understandable and acceptable.

But also a lot of hate towards "kaum yang makan babi."

"celaka dan laknat bg cina makan babi tu!
tanggung dosa smpai kiamat!!!

benci dgn segelintir kaum ini yg berperangai cmni!"

Riiight.... *Too lazy to retort because there's always so much to argue but its not worth getting mad about*

I guess its like this, they find it disgusting that we eat pork. We find it hilarious that they have to sunat. Its a whole kindergarden, you hit me and I hit you back sort of thing. Though I sometimes feel that the extent of some extremely racist individuals frightening. The way they talk about other cultures that don't meet up to what their rules are is downright degrading.

Although I am rather rascist myself sometimes (aiya, on some level EVERYONE is ethnocentric or rascist lo), i try to remind myself that as much as I hate other races pinpointing, looking down and degrading my culture, I try not to spit on their way of thinking. I have to admit though, that its not easy to keep an open mind because other people's beliefs do not coincide with mine. Still, i try to be respectful.

Thats on my gruff gruff gruffs on racism for today.

On the same accident issue, another comment was this:

Just ban woman drivers. You'll find that road accidents will be drastically decreased. Saudi Arabia didn't just do it because they're "sexist" you know. They did it for a reason.

This guy has obviously never been in Jessie's X-Trail. Ergo, he should shut his pie hole.

Oh, and using Saudi Arabia as an example to illustrate non-sexism. INGENIOUS. Pure intelligence wei. We're talking about the country that still practices female circumsion (or genital mutilation, however you choose to perceive it) because of certain beliefs that women are made solely to be baby makers and have no right to enjoy sex. Yea lo yea lo. No sexism AT ALL wei.
Oh yes, women there also get charged with adultery if they get raped.

Some people have NO BRAINS.

As such they should SHUT UP.

Last Sem

2010-04-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

The fact that this is my final semester is starting to make its presence known. Finals are in exactly one week from now (shocker!). This is definitely a really short sem. No time to procrastinate even. lol.

I have already decided that since I don't know what to do after my diploma, I'm just gonna go ahead with Advance Diploma at TARC and maybe go for the 3 months in UK program if possible. I'm actually excited about that. 3 months should be no problem la. But if you ask me to do like one year or two years, GG lo. 3 months for a degree, yes, i wanna doooo it.

Yeah well, today I had a presentation on Indian culture with my groupmates. So we all dressed up. Heh. Our presentation didn't go so well much to my disappointment, but aiya, it was fun la to dress up lidat and stuff.

Hee, i got my neighbour to help my put on a sari which Melody lent to me. Its actually a lil big but at least i can say that I have worn a sari at once in my lifetime. =)

Doops.

Yep, wai hong got dressed up as a girl. Again.
Kz has this really weird hairstyle.
Oh yes, i cut my hair short.
Kc has a weird face. As usual.

Its been quite a day la I guess. I don't have work this week so i got to lepak with Kz, Jc and Kc after class which somehow feels like i've been missing out a lot. I had quite a lot of fun lo today. =)

Oh ya. And Kc called me YANG. Huak huak huak huak huak huak.... XD

Mmm......now dilemma-ing over whether to go for my class trip after graduation at Perhentian. Its 3 days 2 nights. Includes snorkelling and stuff...but almost RM500 for the whole thing. I really wanna go la, but thats a lot of money and i'm not sure if i should splurge like that. But then again, LAST trip together wor. Sigh. I hate decision making you know that. See how la.

I know my blog's been quite dead but ehhh. Whatever la.

Hush Puppies Bed Cover set

2010-03-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

I bought HushPuppies bed sheet set for RM 79.95!!! It was on 70% discount, originally RM199.

I think its quite pricey although i'm not sure what the standard price for a super single sheet is.

Ah well. Bed sheets can use for a long time and since i spend so much time in bed, why not. Its really pretty and the thread count is 320 so its definitely quality stuff. Hush Puppies wor. Sure la.

Pretty!!!

So girly and flowery kan? I like the pattern a lot!

Anyway, i know i haven't updated my blog much. In fact, almost everyone else's seems dead. I guess its the crazy hectic-ness la. I don't want to talk about assignments. Tmr I've got a long day ahead.

All the love in the world.

Moe Overload

2010-03-16T21:06:00.001-07:00

Ahhhhh!!!!!

I HAVE A CRUSH ON IKUTO TSUKIYOMI!!!!

Cos he's wayyy to cuuute! ~nyao!

The moe~ is over loading.

Dinner. =)

2010-03-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

I finally had the dinner i've always wanted at Look Out Point.

Lovely scenery. Cool weather. Dim lights. Food.

And of course, you.

We had lots of meat which I loved.

Lamb meatballs.

Lamb chop.

Potato roasted (or was it baked?) with cheese and white sauce.

As usual, i only remembered to snap a pic of the first course. Totally forgot once my dish arrived.

Lamb meatballs in a kind of tomato stew.
Creepy but so yummy.

The cat with the air pocket.

Cheesy song at which I used to sing karaoke to.

White Musk.

Throwing and flicking stuff out the car window. =p

That extra RM3.

Me thinking the T-shirt fits you really really well. =)
....And no, your hair wasn't messy.

I'm thinking, those lookout point people really ought to serve cocktails. Really wanted a yummy colourful one.

I had a nice time tonight. =)

Yeap.

2010-03-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

Blog needs updating and so i shall.

The hectic-ness of assignments has not eased. Still plagued by PMR (Public & Media Relations) assignment which seems to be a lot of work and also a lot of money. And i'm not so sure, but i only know how to execute one of the campaigns. The other one i'm still feeling blur.

I have asked Wai Kin to help me with the design aspect for my assignment. Which has eased my brainstorming and drawing parts.

Really, I hope to move my lazy arse on the work. Uurgh.

Past few days have been rocky for me. Even though it wasn't supposed to be like this. There's just so many things to sort out and discuss, and I am losing, no, I have almost completely exhausted my patience. I just cannot give in to anything anymore.

There is a lot to talk about, if not arguing. I will hold off till tomorrow or Monday. Emotionally, I just cannot brace myself well enough for what might happen and all the rejection I will be taking. But i know full well that I am at my limit of backing down.

I don't know what will happen.

For once, I really want my opinion to be taken into consideration. I want to be able to make a decision in this as well. If we are to stand as equals, i think its my turn to have a say.

If there is no compromise to come to, i will be severely angry and really disappointed. I don't think I can take that at this point.

Right now, the stakes are so much higher. There is so much more risk. And somehow, it feels dangerously close to falling apart and so soon. Its just wrong.

The parents are actually giving me a lot of space, and they have not said much about the matter. I wonder what they are thinking. The father is secretly in doubt, i know. I think the mother likes it a little. I think. But they have consented. And that makes me feel happy enough. I am glad and I am grateful.

Now to work it out and make it good. God, please help... or am i not qualified to ask for help anymore?

Sigh.

Tmr is our church anniversary. I am actually dancing. LOL. I know I might be really kayu but thats okay. I like the jumping part. It feels good.

A bunch of us youth wanted to watch The Book of Eli tonight. But the show was at 10.45pm and everyone has to serve tmr morning so no go. We went for dinner and then mamak and then the boys came over to my place to play PS3. Felix is the most keng at the racing games. Jason sucks at it. XD LOL. William is a backseat driver. =p Jack likes scraping walls. It is actually the most fun i've had this whole week. Today wasn't too bad I guess.

I hope and I pray. Hard.

Oh yes. Allow me to show off my new jersey.
Its the AIG team. =p
Nice kan? I have the blue one as well.

Its grade A stuff okay. Don't play play.

too much

2010-03-07T09:27:00.000-08:00

1.30am and I'm exhausted. But just thought I should write something.

It's been real hectic for me. I'm juggling work, a huge load of assignments, youth camp plans and now dance for church anniversary. I just don't feel like doing any of it but i dont really have a choice.

Assignments are requiring me to run about, even up till late at night. I missed church today to go for an interview. And then i went back there again at night. Its Kuchai Lama. Stinking far. Came home at bout 11 something. I might be going out again tmr night. Sigh. I hate this la.

Then youth camp...I dunno la. See how Tuesday's meeting goes. I don;t even want to think about tat now.

DANCE. Right. About that. All i can think of when dance comes to mind is i want to quit. Because i find it so distressing and so hard to keep up. I don't know if its because i'm too self conscious or because i just don't have that gift. Maybe its both. I don't know. I just feel so stressed thinking about it.

Friday could have been a rest day but i got booked. I still haven't mustered the enthusiasm yet. Maybe its cos im so darn tired right now.

Most of all, i feel like just spending all this time which I don't have with bestie, who has been so supportive. Ps Tryphena talked about emotional dependancy on Saturday. I've always known i'm en emotionally dependent person. Granted, i'm not as bad as I used to be because bestie does not indulge me much. Only when I really need help. Or on special occasions. Guess thats why bestie's is my best friend la.

Who cares if ppl think i'm whiney for saying this. I haven't said it in a long time.
Life sucks.

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.....................................
....................................

Well, putting aside all my tantrums. Life isn't so terrible. Kevin found me a PR practioner to interview. Granted, it means i have to rush to meet the deadline, but its better than having nothing to hand up on the date.

So, I'm exhausted today for coming home late. But bestie has gone out of the way to send me around when i really needed it.

I had a really good time last friday. Love what i got. Blue and Red. Its a first. =)

I guess its not so bad.

I am just freaking stressed and tired la k...sigh.

Bye

Critics

2010-03-02T10:10:00.000-08:00

In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. - Ratatouille-

I think critics are okay so long as they are open-minded and they can provide something constructive for you to learn from.

The worst kind of people don't criticize because they want improvement. They criticize because they want something for their own sake, disregarding the needs and feelings of other people. They just want to find fault with you, and make sure you hurt.

Don't demand. Because when you demand, you make that person lose trust in you, it shows you don't understand that person and couldn't care less to find out. You just want things your way. Pastor says no one has a right to demand anything from another person even if you are in an unhappy situation.

You can't DEMAND other people to make you happy.

You can't DEMAND someone to love you.

And you have no right to put me down with hurtful words when you have never uttered one encouraging word either.

Work and Money

2010-03-01T18:06:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been feeling like I don't want to work anymore. And at the same time, I don't want to study anymore either. I just feel like......doing nothing. LOL.

Its not that my job isn't great. It is. In every sense too. The pay is great, my student's mother is kind to me and the time is pretty flexible, the place is not that far from my house la with the Duke highway (just the jam sometimes).

This job is definitely a blessing. I guess I just need to grow up and be a little more responsible, not to mention grateful to God. I've believed inside and out that when Ps. Vernon Falls said this is a grea-ea-ea-ea-eat flourishing year, one of the very "flourishing areas' that boomed so unexpectedly was this job. So right now i'm struggling to stick to my guns and do the best I can.

I know if i stop work my parents won't scold me or anything la. They'll probably start giving me pocket money again (not that they've stopped giving. I just prefer to use my own and see how well I control my expenses. Quite well la I spend, considering I hardly have time to eat lunch. But the food splurges with bestie is going to render us broke...) So no pressure there. But i feel that it'd be stupid to stop working here.

With Yura's exams starting in a week, I am feeling worried.

But at the same time, my own assignments are making me sweat. (We might have to run around quite a bit it seem. Interviewing a TV3 reporter at 1Utama on Friday summore. Woahh.)

Though honestly, i think the main problem is my own laziness and procrastination. Aiihhh. Joaannnn.....

Then, I'm also considering whether I should continue my Advance Diploma in Public Relations once this semester is over. I highly doubt that I would go into this field...but if I don't continue, what should i do then? Its killing me, this whole major-decision thing. I hope God opens up a way and shows me what I should do.

Ah. I feel confused. And I'm hungry. Byee.

I am blessed. I am blessed. I am blessed!

Quick pics.

2010-02-27T08:52:00.000-08:00

Yello! Short update, mostly pics that i took with my phone. So yeah, non-wordy post.

This is my student, Yura.

Camwhoring during class.....what a teacher. Lol.

Pfft. XD

Ah yes. Fun times... =p

Kz bought the bunch of us souvenirs from Thailand!!
Cute hor? When he first gave it to me i was freaked.
Cos it looks friggin scary. Lol.
Mine is the cyclops. The pink eyed one.

And here are a couple of pics i took during the Broga Hill hike.
Its fun to watch the sky change colour as the sun rises.

That hill with a lot of people on it is the first peak.
This photo was taken from the 2nd peak.
I was too tired to go further.

This looks so 'sound of music'. =)

Nice hor? I think my phone's camera really not bad. *bangga*

Yeah well. Thats all for now. Toots.

A loooooad of happenings...

2010-02-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

Hiii....i will be posting up a couple more pieces of clothing but for now, i need to blog because my head i exploding with all the events and fan-ness of new happenings.

Well, not everything that has been happening is bad.

First off, my new and also final semester has started. The first lecture commenced yesterday and already i am sweating in my armpits just listening to the teacher dish out our assignment like she was flinging raw meat to a bunch of strays. Really, the work to be done seems tremendous and also somewhat complicated looking.

The worse part is the way she organized us with some stupid first come, first serve basis.

Which is retarded because lets say i pick this company to write up on. At the time I start doing the assignment, no one has posted anything so i assume its safe. Then the moment i gau-tim, i go to Cel and poof! Somebody has posted theirs already! Then how?? Kanasai lo like that? Have to do all over again? I'm sure she will enjoy such a situation very much. What does she think this is? A gameshow??

Aihh....i have picked the company I want to cover and right now I feel blardy worried and kancheong about someone doing it too. Seriously ver scared. I've collected all the necessary media list info already I think so i hope to do it by today. Siiighh...TENSION!!!!

On another issue, I bought 2 pairs of contact lenses from Jc's cousin. I requested for the power -4.00. But unfortunately there was some mix up and one pair ended up having a power of -3.75 and -4.25. And thats quite bad. Because my original power is actually -4.25. So I seriously don't know how I'm going to tahan in that pair with the power difference of that much. I was feeling very mang about it initially because first off, giving goods like that and not offering to change it for me or refunding shows tat the seller doesn't bother very much. And on i dunno which party's part, there is clearly some carelessness. So really, i would have loved very much to refuse to pay let alone accept something like this. BUT, friend wor. How to say no? GG lo.

I was feeling very aaaaaarrrgghhh about when i told Bro. Jeremy about the whole thing. But guess what? He said he has a grey pair of -4.00 that he opened by accident and he says I can have them if i want! I feel happily surprised because i know he sells that brand for like RM50 something per pair. So i guess things have been made balanced once again.

I guess some people would say that Jeremy is just kind. I think so too. But I also think that my God is good. And really, i am so thankful that He cares for me.
I figured that I should learn to trust Him in terms of all my assignments too. After all, if such a small matter as contact lens He can handle so well, surely my assignments too? I will try...

I was complaining to bestie about the mountainous load of assignments yesterday and instead i got scolded. >.<"" no fair.... Well, he says i haven't even tried doing anything yet so how do I know its gonna be hard, let alone impossible? He says I complain too much even before i put my butt to work. I guess thats true. So i should try doing some first... AND THEN complain to him after that. XD Ok la ok la. I will try to be more 'proactive'.

And finally, tonight i shall be having a sleepover at sis. yuet ching's house with a bunch of the youth committee!! And very very very early tomorrow morning, we shall be heading off to Broga Hills, hike up there and catch the sunrise! I am blimey excited! This will be my first time catching the sunrise! It better be good!! .......and i hope we get to eat ikan bakar. =)

Late for class! Bye!

Clothes GIVEAWAY... pt3

2010-02-22T07:05:00.001-08:00

Hello all......i am giving away my second hand clothes because my cupboard is just not big enough to muat all my stuff. So all the stuff here is free. Just drop me a comment to tell me what you want la. Most of it are passed down by my cousins and i never wore it cos it didn't fit me or whatever. Don't feel shy to say "I want EVERYTHING!" I will be most happy to dump everything in your hands.

There's a lot more but I'm too lazy to post la. If you really desperate then u come to my house only la. LOL. If all this stuff isn't cleared by this month i will be giving it to charity anyways so dun paiseh la. Just say "Joann....I WANT!"

I will be posting up more stuff in the next few days so look out la.

Flowery shorts. I think it fits size L.

Ah...this is the source of my woe.
Lovely gold shoes from NOSE.
My friend wore it twice and just gave it to me on Sunday.
SADLY, its too small for me. T.T
I think its a size 4...

Pink Spaghetti Strap.
Size M.

East India Company Singlet.
S

East India Company Grey Top,
xs-s

Geometric Print Tank Top.
Plunging Neckline for those with nice assets... Xp

Velvet Dark Green Top.
Very appropriate for dinners.
This is the back.
Size S-M

Its nice material. Velvety. =D

Front.

Shimmery violet one-shoulder top.
TAKEN

Its brand new. I never figured out how to wear this. :s
And anyway, one-shoulders dun look nice on me.

Clothes GIVEAWAY... pt2

2010-02-22T06:35:00.000-08:00

Clothes for free.....
Yes, FREE. Please leave comment

Red Blouse
Fits M-L I think.
TAKEN

Purple Knitted Thing, =p

Somerset Bay White Top,
Very Short and very low. Lol.
Best worn with something else inside.
s-m
TAKEN

The picture is pretty. =)

MNG Black Spaghetti Top

It has stripey things. Whatchamacallits.
Gosh, i am SO articulate.
s

Somerset Bay Green Spaghetti Top.
Really soft material. Also very short.
WHats with ppl making tops so freaking short la...
s-m

White dress.
Its very sheer (read: transparent) so u'll need to wear something inside.
I only wore this once.
Click here to see what it looks like when put on.
TAKEN

G2000 top.
I love this top. It has a casual yet classy look.
The neckline looks great....for ppl with a slightly larger bust.
(unfortunately..for me.) >.<""" It is somewhat short tho.

P. Authentics Long Bluuuee sleeve.
s-m can fit lar

Random blue top. Lol
s-m

I have this in hot pink and orange. Both are up for grabs.
A lil too tight for me.
So prolly good for xs sized ppl.....or kids.

Clothes GIVEAWAY... pt1

2010-02-22T06:04:00.000-08:00

Yeap, cleaned out my closet to get rif of stuff I don't want anymore.
Here are some of the stuffs that you guys might want so I'm posting it up here.
Don't hesitate to say "Gimme all!" No need to paiseh one. I'm probably gonna get rid of everything by the end of this month la. So just grab only.

High On Love Tee
TAKEN

MNG White Top
Plunging neckline. Short.

Padini Authentics 2-piece

Aeropostale Pink Thing. =p
I dunno what to call it la.
TAKEN

VOIR Jeans White track pants

United Colours of Benetton Track Pants
Stretchable. Lovely material.
Fits 24-26 I think.

Guess Pink&White Skirt.
It says for 12 year olds...but it'll definitely fit 24-27 even.
Brand New.

Poofy checked blouse

Purple Spaghetti Top.
SEED.
Its short so best worn inside another top.

Floral long top.
Can wear with tights.
TAKEN

Yer....

2010-02-21T20:11:00.000-08:00

I want to blog.

...but dunno what to blog about.

Or rather, everything is still a big gunk of goo in me brain.

The holidays are over. Shucks.

Dear Friday

2010-02-17T09:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Friday,

Come soon, come quick.

And don't disappoint.

For surely the waiting has set my hopes too high.

In Great Anticipation,
Me.

Happy Cny and Valentine's!!!

2010-02-14T08:31:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

Wishing everyone a joyous new year filled with much happiness, success, prosperity, peace and love!!

And also,
Happy Valentine's Day. =)
.....i actually forgot it was Valentine's Day. XD
As Melanie would put it: kanasai.

Hahahahaha.....
Have a good one guys. =)

Again with the racism...

2010-02-12T20:49:00.000-08:00

I was blog hopping just now and came across a particular comment on a blog where a reader voiced out that she was ticked and offended at Chinese people because (according to her) we are inconsiderate. Why? Read yourself. This is what she says:

Hi. ..... Okay so during the fasting month for us moslems, there are always malay bazaars. Your people (the chinese, sorry Im not racist for Im part chinese too but I cant help it Im just so offended by your post, its not even funny) would crowd the stalls making it difficult for us malays to get our food to break our fast. Its good for our business of course but the thing is, you people buy your food/drinks and start eating/drinking in public when you know the majority are fasting. Have some decency for Gods sake. Please, dont pinpoint races. People like you makes 1Malaysia unachievable. Serious shit.

Seeeriouuussly ticked me off her comment. Ignorant, self-glorifying person...

Why do muslims fast? Is it not as an act of worship to Allah? Isn't it to exercise devotion? To humble the flesh and strengthen your faith? Then why do you care so much if other people eat or not hmm? Shouldn't you be praying and be in a position of humility and worship towards your God instead of eyeing other races and muttering against them?

Yes, I'm angry. I cannot believe that someone would say something like "because the MAJORITY is doing it so you must blah blah blah..." HELLO?? Isn't that just placing yourself in a pedestal and expecting other people (ie, the 'minority') to suit your needs, bow down and make way for you. 1Malaysia my foot. Don't act all high and mighty when you refer to other races as 'YOUR people' and 'MY people'. If anyone's a rascist, you are.

If 1Malaysia is all about the minority bowing to the majority, I WANT NO PART OF IT. You hear me?

DAP likes to say we're all part of one race- the human race.
What on earth are you then?

Muslims fast. I understand that and respect that fully. As a Christian, I fast too. I understand that fasting is me humbling myself before God and man which is why it angers me so that you should impose on others because YOU yourself is fasting.

So what? Just because you're fasting, everybody else has to stop eating too? Or we have to eat in secret and hide our food when we see a muslim. Please. Thats ridiculous. I suggest
people who think this way focus their energies more on praying and meditating on their God instead of waiting for time to move faster so they can break fast and gorge themselves with food thus defeating the purpose of fasting in the first place.

If your fast is just a diet, why bother? Fasting is just dieting if it is not accompanied with prayer and a heart set on God. If you go on a diet, should other people have to starve too?

If all muslims thought like that ignorant person then there wouldn't be any mamaks or malay stalls open during fasting month la right. Its because THEY understand that just because we eat doesn't mean we don't respect Muslims. We're just living our lives as usual. It DOES NOT have any ulterior meaning. The inconsiderate one is oversensitive, selfish, childish people like that person who wrote that comment.

Nuff said. I'm mad.
Person who uses ego to speak instead of brain.
Stupid.

I need to chill.

Anyway this was my reply:
lol. i think you're being a little sensitive. If you fast, then you're doing it as an act of devotion to God. Just because 'the majority'' fasts 'other people' have to give way to them? Now THAT's inconsiderate isn't it? Other races respect the fact that muslims fast. But please don't place yourself above other races and expect others to stop eating or God forbid eat in hiding just to accomodate you. And if you are so keen on achieving 1Malaysia, you wouldn't use words like "YOUR people" or "MY people". Aren't we 1 people, 1 Nation?

Uurgh. Beh tahan this fella. Not all Muslims think that way kan. Just this narrow minded little blah.

Anyway, Happy CNY to all. Get more ang paos eh? =)

Letter from my student

2010-02-12T10:57:00.000-08:00

To Joann teacher!

Teacher, I'm Keun- Young ♥
I think we spend very happy time. And I learned very useful grammar.
So I thanks to you.
And really I spend very happy time with you. So I will remember you!
and never forget because you are my best teacher!!
Also i'll promise!! After 6 months if I'll come again to Malaysia~
I'll find you!! and called.
At the first day of my tuition we are very quiet. But now we are very friendly~~isn't it? I think that!!
I'll go back to Korea! I'll read book!! and use Lip Balm.
and I keep!!
Maybe I'll miss you very much. You are spend with me very long long time than other teacher.
And I'll sent mail to you. Also, check the mail every day an always remember you!!
You are the best teacher of my life!! And I like you so much!
Good bye Joann teacher ♥ I'll come back again ♥

Please never forget!! Because I want best of your student (?? It's correct? Maybe wrong sentence... T.T)

From: Keun-Young

_______________________________________

That's the letter from my student to me. Typed out exactly as she wrote it.

My 3 students
Keun Young, Yura and Hee Won

It's sad but today was very unexpectedly the last class for me and two of my students. There was supposed to be 2 more classes next week but they had other plans. So today was rather emo. And awkward. I guess, I just didn't know how to react. I have to be matured and professional but at the same time i feel heavy- hearted that they're leaving.

Reading her letter, I feel so bangga. XD But looking at the mistakes I wonder if i could have done better. :s But honestly, her English has become a lot more comprehensible compared to the first time i met her, which was like a month and a half ago?

I have spent quite a lot of time with them so yeah....it doesn't feel all nice that they're leaving. But I am really happy that i made a friend. Keun Young aka Lucy is a pretty outgoing girl. I spent far more time chatting with her than teaching her actually (conversation skills are harder to build than doing repetitious grammar exercises ok!). We enjoy our chit chats a lot.

My other student- Hee Won aka Cindy who is Keun Young's sister is only 9 and her English is much poorer. We don't really talk because she refuses to. >.<" But yeah....i guess each student has their own traits.

Man, I'll miss them la. It's been a blessing, this job. =)

___________________________________

On a completely different note, someone texted my early in the morning last week. He very shyly said that i was zhao gong-ing in my previous post. I was pretty surprised and embarrassed so I went look for my 'zhao gong picture'. Spent ten minutes looking for my 'striking yellow bikini' which he said was showing. I couldn't find it. (@.@)

Anyway, i think I got what he meant. To clear the air, its not a zhao gong. And very definitely not my 'striking yellow' underwear showing (yellow isn't a very popular color choice for underwear and i certainly don't have one Xp). My black dress isn't see through. It has a inner lining. Takkan i so daring, wear see-through and post online... Nah, show you.

Inside out, the dress looks like this.
Thats the lining inside.
No way you could have seen my underwear.

Yeap. Its a misunderstanding I guess. But I thought it was really sweet and chivalrous for a guy to privately notify my that he thought something wasn't right. Not many people would have the guts to do tat.

...Either that or he was a pervert and imagined up stuffs that wasn't there. XD XD XD I'm kidding I'm kidding!!

CNY coming...cleaning war begins tmr. Nite!

February shopping

2010-02-07T07:31:00.000-08:00

Arlos. Well, the weekend is drawing to a close (shucks!). It hasn't been a very restful weekend for me but it has definitely been FUN. Melanie stayed over for two nights. The nicest activity we did was shopping in Times Square (obviously).

Anyway, here are the stuff i bought this month. LOVE em' SO much.

Warning: Extreme camwhoring ahead.

Classy White bag.
RM27.90

The bag goes well with my new white dress.

I think it looks very sweet lo.
But bestie doesn't like it.
Hancur lah hatiku.

Nice ma kan?
RM25.

I don't care la. I think its nice. Bleh!

Oh, and i've discovered exactly
how un-symmetrical my face is.
Look at my eyes man.
I didn't do that on purpose. Serious.

Corporate-ish look.
Melanie loves this whole outfit.
She actually bought the skirt for herself but it was too short for her.
So i bought it from her.

Blouse is from FOS.
RM22

The skirt costs RM35 ah i think.
Forgot.
And yes, my mirror is dirty.

I finally moved a full length mirror into my room.
Bwahahaha....

Ok, now this dress....
I LOVE.
Its really fitting and properly short.
I wanted to buy this for Mel but it didn't fit her as well. :s

Oh. Its a lil pricier. But worth it i think.
RM40.

Ah, and i got the little greecian red dress.
Bought online for RM20.

Lovely isn't it?
But a little loose cos its 2nd hand.
Very prone to zhao-gonging tho.
I will take precautions.

Yeap well. Today Ps. Vernon Falls talked about 2010 being a year of grea-ea-ea-eat flourishing. Where there will be great abundance. I realise thats already true for me so far with the job that i managed to get which is well above what a student like me should be getting. I really am thankful to God for this. But at the same time, i realise my spending habits are spiraling out of control a little. I need to exercise some frugality and self control.

Yeah. So basically the last thing i'm going to buy for myself this month is 2 pair of coloured contacts (brown and green!) from Jessie's cousin. RM52 for both pairs. I am excited. Though, honestly, where on earth i am going to wear all these beautiful clothes to, i really have no idea. =s Smart Joann. Real smaaaaart.

At least im happy la.

Well, tis weekend has been really fun. Next week will be chinese new year. I think i'll only be taking the 13th Feb off from work. Gonna cherish all the salary i can make before my students head back to Korea on the 19th. I think I'll miss them a little. Its been quite fun.

Though, this saturday and sunday has seemed too short.

Tomorrow
Its BACK TO WORK!

Yeah. And another incident yesterday while i was in Times Square with Mel was that, after shopping, we went back to my car which was parked in the basement. Then, Mel found a note shoved inside the handle of my passengerr's seat door. Some Malay fler asking if i want to be friends please call this number. I found that really disturbing.

Mel and bestie said its ok cos its not like the fler was purposely stalking me. But its still frightening know? After that, i got that stupid nightmare again which completely wrecked my night of sleep. Sigh. Hate it.

Oh, and i met Pang Yean, one of my friends from Stella Maris. We used to be really close in Form 2 cos we sat together for a whole year. He is now very leng zai. Seriously lo. Made me feel all shy and self- consciousy. My opening sentence when i saw him was "OMG.You so leng zai already!" Quite embarrassing. Bleurghh. Boys. I DON'T CARE.

I met Darren and his gf too. He shaved his head. His body now looks massive but his head looks teeny tiny. Quite funny. Mel says he looks very Cina. Teeheehee...

Before sending Mel home today, we went to Ikea for meatballs. Maaaaaan....i love their meatbals in gravy and jam. Super yummmy. I wish we had ice cream. Mmm.....ice cream craving is ON!

Well, tats all the updates for now. Its nice finally seeing pics on my blog isnt it. Yep, i am pleased. Night folks.

PS: YES!!! I'm getting my bed baaaack!!! I misssed yooouuu.....

Bein' a fooooool!

2010-02-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

2am and i'm still awake. Why? Cos if i sleep then my life will be just sleep and work and no time for entertainment. For crying out loud i don't even stay up this late during exams. SIGH.

My level of missing peoples is about to hit the roof. I am dying to crumple into a hug. And just stay there. And melt. And complain about my life. And laugh. And not think about work.

Nevermind.

Friday. One more day then its weekends.

Friday. Is payday.

Heyyyy..........

.......................

......................

You know whats a funny word to say?

Boobies.

LOL.

I told you right im going crazy.

......i should probably go to sleep.

Nite.

So dull. So dead.

2010-02-03T10:28:00.001-08:00

My third day of working, giving tuition for 6 hours straight. I am honestly sienned out with this routine. >. on ONE condition: Don't let anyone ESPECIALLY you-know-who find out. Simple condition, easy to understand right?

Well, can you BELIEVE the dumbness and stupidity of this one girl in my course who actually went up to Yes-u-know-siapa and asked her about the assignment AND mentioned the deadline being pushed back?

IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And being the witch that she is, Yes-dia-itu announced that EVERYONE MUST hand up the advertisement on Thursday, when it was actually supposed to be next Wednesday or face the consequences. FISH.

I told you that woman is one !@#$%^&*()

Uuurgh. And that silly, foolish girl who didnt use her brains went up in front of the lecture hall to apologize to us. Brave indeed. But not helpful. It really was too late to apologize. Everyone scold here kao kao and she went to cry. KC actually told her that she was "fucking stupid" which totally made everyone riot against her.

I actually felt sorry for her until I found out that her assignment nearly completed already. And I hadn't started on mine yet. Thats when i didn't feel sorry for her no more. STUPID GIRL! AAaaaaAAarrrrggghhh!!!! Got question then why didn't you just ask your classmate or tutor?? Why must ask Yesu and mention EVERYTHING? Why didn't you use your brains? Why why why why???

On one hand, I realise that it was my fault that i hadn't started working on the assignment sooner. But on the other, i would rather blame someone else. ;p

K la, k la. Enough scolding. The idea for the advertisement is fully formed. It will be finished tmr, just in time to be handed up on Thursday. And i think it will be good. Wish me all the best!

Balance of sad and happy

2009-11-05T09:21:00.001-08:00

I dont know if my life is emo. Sometimes, i think life isnt especially harsh on me not because things aren't difficult but cos i try not to make a big deal out of it. I guess when ppl say that being truly happy is a choice, its true. I can choose to not think abt some things that really bother me (i said some, not all) unlike my secondary school years where i'd cry almost every night over, well, everything because everything seemed like a BIG deal at the time.

I've stoned up la i guess. Put on a braver front, so even if im stoned, it still beats being a cry baby.

Still, there are some things that i cant put aside. And yeah, its bothering me. I dont really know what to do...and quite frankly, i hv no one to tell and REALLY, beyond my power to control. You know how some things you just can't NOT know, but you dont want to know either? And i wish adults would just not make the obvious mistakes when they have a responsibility. I feel humiliated that ppl outside know. As if the situation all these years haven't been shameful enough, and has been improving so much lately, THIS HAPPENS. Maybe I haven't been the best i could be, but i know full well that this isnt abt me, or my fault. Its a bad decision of someone who is supposed to be an example.

I cant do anything, and i understand that. But i HATE i HATE being in this situation. No, i dont want to talk to anyone because its too shameful. And it really is private matters. But God, i really hate being in my position. Somehow, i wish i didnt know.

If ur into making assumptions, STUFF IT. Its NOYB.

sigh.....and in spite of what surfaced today, i had a great time because i spent some time with my best friend which made things so much better. Being together is the safest and most calming place i can ever be. Just knowing someone understands me and is willing to watch out for me comforts me to no end. Though, i am truly afraid that one day it will fall apart and i will completely lose this safety. I think too much. But reality does that to ppl. The older u get, the more news u become exposed to, the more romanticism dies.
Thank God love isn't romanticism then.

How I know you love me:
You give me
Chocolates with liquid Irish Cream filling
That tastes like molten heaven.

Yay for conditional love.

I guess i constantly hv to remind myself that even though one aspect of my life (even a MAJOR aspect) can be sucky sucky sucky; there are minor aspects worth living for. If i just focus on the big boos and sob stories, i'll miss out on the things that could turn it around.

Sure the problem is big. Im sad, boohoo. But there are still small stuff worth looking fwd to. Like friends, food (cant wait for korean bbq on saturday!), shopping, and chocolate nuggets of irish cream. Of course, small things that i can still be grateful and thank God for.

Spirits up, I hope i see through this bad weather.

Can't stay Here.

2009-11-01T23:52:00.000-08:00

Aiiihhh... Blog about whaaat.

Its been nearly a week since i've been able to go online. Now that i'm at kz's place, i have this "Now what??" feeling.

Dush.

Well ah, i had weird dreams for two consecutive nights already. I mean, not to say weird as in funny, freaky stuff or whatever. Its weird because....they're about my ex.
I knoww right. Super weird. And dont ask the details cos....dot dot dot. XD No la, just weird la u know? U wont get it. Why would i dream bout him eh?

I figured that I really want......excitement. Or at least thats how i interpret my dreams. I always do that cos my dreams have always told me stuff abt myself that i dont realise.

Sometimes, i guess, it was awesome to have that crazy rush when you've just fallen in love. The butterflies that flutter in your gut when you see that special someone come round the corner grinning. The immense pleasure mixed into shyness when he surprises me with something i dont expect. And no, i'm not thinking about my ex as i say this.

I think, in my whole life GENERALLY, i want something more.

I want....
So much more than this.

I'm starting to feel like this state of stasis is annoying me, frustrating me, making me....antsy. Impatient. I need a reaction. I need to feel passionate about something. I want to fall in love again. The romantic-ness in me cries for being so alone. It has been too long.

When will you decide to move on? If you've been listening to me....i really cannot wait here much longer.

Sighhhh. Oh emo, emo. Hahaha....i can imagine singing that to John Mayer's "Neon...neon...".

Rain rain. You make me cry again. Because the heavens weep.

Urgh. Lame.

Today. 26/10/09

2009-10-26T02:19:00.000-07:00

Updating from college mate' house because my router at home has died and I am so so so detached from the Internet. Sighs.

Anyways, today is MooooonDay. Went out with KC, JC and KZ to Chinatown aka Chee Cheong Gai to walk around. It was pretty fun. Took lrt over, walked about, ate quite a lot of stuff. =p Had Air Mata Kucing (Longan drink la), roast duck, gui ling gou, a bagua sample ;p, keropok lekor.....yum. I was a pretty fun trip. Lots to see. Went shopping for stationaries at Popular too.

The unfortunate part was that we were so preoccupied that we forgot the time and didn't make it in time for our 4pm tutorial. Lols. We'll have to replace that....

So basically, i actually didn't go to college today. Yeesh.
Quite awesome.........................but not good.

Anyways, Joy is much much better now. She doesnt appear to be in pain and her good spirits have returned. So thats really great.

Urk. 5.30pm d. Need to be getting home. Dont wanna get caught in the Mrr2 jam. PLEAAASE dont be jam. K byesss.

Joy is sick. =(

2009-10-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

Quick post cos i am at some restaurant wifi-ing against time.

Went to the vet today because Joy wasn't well, and i was super super worried. I tried picking her up and she yelped in pain. Scared me so much. And she didnt want me to touch her, kept running off to hide. That really broke my heart. SO, i brought her to see the doc first thing this morning.

Cost me RM70 (expensive laaaa) but it is the price of assurance that Joy's ok. Well, not really ok. Apparently the part that hurts is her spine (according to the dr). Cos he said that dogs with short legs and long spines tend to have spine problems. So jumping up and down, running up the stairs will harm her back.

The doc gave painkillers and bone supplements and that was it. Doesn't really seem like much actually but what to do. Doctor says like tat means like tat lo. Should the pain persist or return, we'll have to do an x-ray next time. I really hope not.

So yeah. Joy's not well at the moment. Needs two weeks of rest. She's not really in the mood for much else anyways. Just wants to lie around, doesn't really wanna play. So un-Joy like.. =( Pray that she'll be ok again soon. Not fun having a dog called Joy when she's all miserable.

So, thats all for now lo.

Oh, need to jaga my moneys ad since i paid RM70 for this. Need to pay for text books and sem fees also norchet. Sighs. God please provide. Sure will one la.

Kays. Bai!

Exam Results

2009-10-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

After ages of waiting for the TAR College website page to load my results, the agonizing impatience, mounting curiosity and impending kan cheong-ness, it finally came through.

My results and TADAH!!!! Thank God I passed every subject!!

I guess you can say that I am pretty satisfied with everything. B+ is close to being an A so I am pretty glad. I was hoping to get an A for Public Speaking though. Ah well, A- isn't that bad either.

For PRST, I am just glad that I PASSED. C+ is very good for me already considering how much i hated the teacher, had little idea of what she was teaching and yeah....basically skipped A LOT of her lectures (not that it made much difference even if I HAD attended them..)

So, I'm super relieved.

And at the same time, HAPPY!!!

Templer's Park Outing

2009-10-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

I went for another class outing with ma college mates today. Considered a class outing la, cos MOST of the class went. We went to Templer's Park which is in I dunno where, but it is a nice place. A lot of lovely waterfalls and the water is fairly clean. You dont even have to trek up cos there's already stairs built there, so no difficult trails.

Anyway, i decided to go play with the DSLR for this trip and i took a lot a lot of photos. Here are some of my favourites.

This one looks like Alvin took it himself but its not.

Calypso. Lol.
Too much M&M is really not good.

FAV!!! Looks great as a display pic.

Taken by Kz I think.

I love this one too. But it was kinda hard to take.
So a lil blur.

I am super exhausted right now, plus there is an 8am class. Uuurghh....too early!!! I'll try to upload the pics at Kz's place tmr. IF i can.

Gosh...i feel like i owe ppl so much money. And my semester fees are overdue. Great.

I need sleep NOW.

Nite.

What does it feel like to be SEPET.

2009-10-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

I knoow, my second post today but I went to my Nuffnang analytics and saw this on the keywords that made hits on my blog.

Check out the last one:
In case you can't see it, it says

Perasaan bermata sepet

OMG. Hahahaha....the nonsense people search for!!! I can't believe someone actually searched for something so dumb. But i cannot help but wonder if that is a valid line inquiry that we might all want to know.... Being sepet can't be that different ma right??

But still, will anyone ever know whether being sepet
DOES feel different from us unsepet-ed humans?

Is their vision actually more limited?

What makes a sepet person sepet?

Can they see when they laugh? =p

Ahhh....all questions we might never know. *ominous music*

Being sepet....

.....is like a gift.

Its is unique.

It is like your personal signature.

Being sepet is a privilege.

It is something one should treasure

And....

Ahh, who am I kidding. XD

I just haven't met you yet.

2009-10-16T22:54:00.000-07:00

The sunlight bounces through the window as a light morning breeze makes the sheer white curtains dance. The sounds of the earth awakening probes through sleep, pushing away the tendrils of unconsciousness. My eyes flutter open, the world comes into focus slowly. I see your face, disheveled as how only one who has slept well would look, and i cannot help but smile.

I watch my hand on your chest rise and fall with your breathing. Beneath the covers, i move closer to you, watching you stir a little, your eyes moving slightly within their closed lids. My fingers trace the contours of your face, brushing the hair from your forehead, the feel of your cheeks, the strength of your jaw, the softness of your lips... I startle a little when i realize that you are awake, those beautiful eyes twinkling at me, that grinning mouth. And the look of you touches my heart, that face i love and will always love so much. And I know i will give anything for mornings like these, just to wake up beside you for the rest of my life.

.....i just haven't met you yet.

*inspired by Michael Buble's song.* ;)

And as always, listen to Aj cos he rocks.

I Just Haven't Met You Yet